Contemplating Life – Episode 47 – “Uptown Girls vs Downtown Girls”

This week we continue my nostalgic look back at my college days specifically my third semester at IUPUI in which most of my classes were at the downtown campus which had notably better wheelchair accessibility and girl-watching opportunities.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 47 of Contemplating Life.

This week we continue my nostalgic look back at my college days especially my third semester at IUPUI spent primarily at the downtown campus.

Before we get into this week’s episode I need to do some housekeeping. I planned to do one or two more episodes and then take a few weeks off for the holidays. I also have some assistive technology projects I want to work on and I just need to put my head down and pour myself into those projects for several days at a time. That doesn’t leave me time to write, research, proofread, rewrite, polish, record, edit, rerecord, re-edit, and upload a new episode every week. So I really need to take a break to work on other things.

When I finished this episode, it was almost twice my normal length. I went back and forth several times trying to decide if I should do it all at once or split it. Ultimately, I decided to split it and I added an extra couple of anecdotes to the first half to flesh it out.

By having two episodes already written, that will give me a further break. This episode is a bit of back story for next week’s episode which is a really good one. But I think you will also find a laugh or two this week. After next week, I will be taking a break until the first of the year. I will also be doing my annual Oscar movie reviews sometime in February or early March.

So… Let’s move along with today’s episode

For my third semester, I was stuck yet again without a computer programming course I could take so I decided to primarily focus on the downtown campus where I could pick up several liberal arts requirements and get them out of the way. I still took a calculus class in the evening at the 38th St. campus but everything else was downtown during the day.

The girl-watching at the downtown campus was far superior to that at the 38th Street campus. There was a joke that IU students told about Purdue. I think it was equally applicable between the two campuses in which downtown was mostly IU and 38th St. was mostly Purdue.

Question: “What do you call a good-looking woman at Purdue?”

Answer: “A visitor.”

Sadly the stereotype was based on reality. Purdue is an engineering and science school and its 38th St. campus was occupied by few women and the majority more closely resembled Amy Farrah Fowler than they did Penny Hofstadter. And the opposite was true of the downtown campus. Trivia question… What was Penny’s maiden name in “The Big Bang Theory” TV show? Answer at the end of the episode.

There was one particularly strange and unattractive gal in my physics class named Kat with a “K”. She always dressed quite bizarrely in lots of scarves and ponchos with dangling fringe. One day she sashayed by me as she entered the class and the fringe on her poncho got tangled up in the joystick on my wheelchair. The chair took off across the room and I crashed into a table at the front of the classroom.

I’m quite embarrassed to admit we said some very nasty things about her looks. Someone suggested she was so ugly… How ugly was she… That she shouldn’t have been named Kat – she should have been named dog. From that day forward she was referred to as Kat the Dog.

Even in those days at the horny young age of 19, I wasn’t so shallow that I felt that looks were everything. There were simply more women downtown in the liberal arts programs and especially nursing programs than there were in computers, science, and engineering programs at 38th St.

That’s not to say that there were no attractive women at 38th St. I had a lab partner in physics who was pretty easy on the eyes even though she was a little bit of a nerd. There was a guy who was a teaching assistant who came up to her and asked her out for coffee right in the middle of physics lab. She politely turned him down. One of the other girls in the class witnessed it and asked us, “Who was that guy?” We explained he was a teaching assistant. The other girl asked, “What does he do?” My lab partner who was the target of his advances replied, “Apparently anyone he can get his hands on.”Him

As for me, after chasing my first true love Rosie through junior high and high school as well as taking a freshman girl named Cheryl to the senior prom, I had sworn off dating any more women in wheelchairs. I concluded that the combination of 2 disabilities would make a long-term, happily ever after, relationship prohibitively difficult.

There were several smart, attractive women in wheelchairs at IUPUI and although I was friendly with them I never pursued a relationship with any of them. My friend Mike whom I spoke of last week dated a gal for several months who was the most attractive disabled gal I ever met.

I held out hope that once someone got to know me, I might have a chance at romance with an able woman. I knew that such a person would be very rare so I wouldn’t have the opportunity to… I guess you would say… shop around. A nursing student theoretically might offer a better chance at success. I think I was buying into that cliché that one of my Northwest High School classmates had proposed about wounded veterans falling in love with their nurses.

I had the attitude that if anyone showed any interest in me at all, I had to try to make the very best of the friendship in hopes that it might grow into something more. I had learned from my experience with Rosie not to discount the value of being “just friends”. So in the worst-case scenario, I would have good friendships with women and under the best-case scenario, one of those friendships would grow into something more.

The combination of my inexperience with the fairer sex and my desire to find a significant relationship tended to make me sense clues or signals that were not particularly real. I had to fight the urge to fall in love way too easily. Looking back on the situation years later I joked, “If I went into McDonald’s and a good-looking girl behind the counter said, ‘Do you want fries with that?’ I had to resist the temptation not to fall in love saying, ‘She must love me. She’s worried I’m not getting enough fries in my diet.’” Okay, it wasn’t quite that bad… But it’s closer than I’d like to admit.

Let’s talk about the downtown campus facilities. I previously described how difficult it was to get around the 38th St. campus but it was much easier at the downtown campus. In those days it consisted of just three buildings all of which were completed in 1971 when I was in high school. I’ve included various photos of these buildings in the YouTube version of the podcast and there is a campus map linked in the description.

First, we have Cavanaugh Hall, located just south of W. Michigan St. on University Boulevard, a five-story building that is the heart of the campus. It was the first academic building on the official IUPUI campus. It is named for Robert E. Cavanaugh, the former dean of IUPUI’s Indianapolis predecessor, the IU Extension Campus. It housed classrooms, department offices, and the campus bookstore.

Although there were four steps at the main entrance, off to each side there were standard code-compliant wheelchair ramps. Two publicly available elevators connected the five floors and the basement so there was no problem with getting around the building in a wheelchair. You didn’t need keys to use the elevators and there were plenty of people who could push buttons for you.

A few hundred feet southeast of Cavanaugh across a courtyard was a building known as the Blake Street Library. In the basement of the building was a cafeteria known as “The Hideaway.” The building is now known as Taylor Hall named after Joseph T. Taylor first Dean of the School of Arts but I don’t know when the name was changed. Blake Street no longer runs south of Michigan Street since the construction of the Business/SPEA building in 1981.

In 1994, a new University Library building was constructed east of that location. The Hideaway Cafeteria was closed in 2008 when the Campus Center was opened just west of Cavanaugh. The campus center is connected to Cavanaugh by a second-story enclosed bridge over University Boulevard. It houses food service, a bookstore, recreational facilities, and other student services.

The third and final building available when I was there was the Lecture Hall located across a courtyard due south of Cavanaugh. It contains four or five amphitheater-style classrooms of varying sizes positioned together in the center of the building like wedges of a pie. An outer concourse surrounds the entire cluster. Several ground-level entrances are completely accessible. No need for a ramp.

I would sit at the top row of the seating area with the stadium seating extending below me. The swivel seats were fastened to the floor in front of a small rail table that extended the length of the row. On the aisle, I could get up close enough to set a notebook on the table. I rarely if ever took notes but I needed something to write on during written tests. Photos of the facility today I found online have more modern theater seating with an armrest table that folds up. So I don’t have anything to show you how it looked in the early 70s.

A fourth building was constructed downtown while I was there but I never had any classes in it. It was originally called the “Science, Engineering, and Technology Building“ with the idea that all of the 38th Street programs would move into that building. By the time it was completed in 1975, the name was shortened to “Engineering and Technology.” The final move from 38th St. to downtown wasn’t completed until the early 90s.

My transcript reveals I took “Integral Calculus & Analytical Geometry 2 MATH 164” which I’m certain was at the 38th St. campus in the evenings. Downtown, in the morning I had “Sociology S163 Social Problems” in the Lecture Hall. I then went to lunch every day in the Hideaway Cafeteria. We already discussed my third-semester French class a few episodes ago. I also had “Psychology as a Social Science PSY B104”.

There was a companion course I took in my fourth semester “Psychology as a Biological Science PSY B105.” I didn’t care for the biology class much. We had to memorize lots of brain anatomy and physiology and I’m just not big on memorization. The only interesting thing that happened in that psych biology class was the instructor discovered he could create his handout materials printed on computer paper cheaper than he could with a copy machine. He would go to a computer terminal, and type his handouts using a primitive text editor called TECO. That was an acronym for Text Editor and Corrector. It was designed more for computer programming than general word processing. Remember this is the early 70s and there are no desktop computers or word-processing software. Anyway, he could print out as many copies as he wanted and the University only charged his account one penny per page. In contrast, he could type on a typewriter, use whiteout to correct mistakes, and take it to the copy room where they would charge him 10 cents per page. The end result was, that all of our class notes were in all uppercase printed on green bar computer paper. I got a “B” in the course.

I enjoyed the psychology as a social science class more. On the first day, the teacher wanted us to get acquainted with one another and had everyone introduce themselves to the people next to them. She said, “Try to remember them and don’t go by what they’re wearing because tomorrow they will be wearing something different.” I chimed in, “Yeah I’m sure if I came in tomorrow in a blue wheelchair instead of a red one people wouldn’t recognize me.” They didn’t know whether to laugh or not so when I laughed then they did.

The teacher told one of my favorite stories I heard in college. When she was an undergrad studying psychology, there were various research programs you could sign up for extra credit or to earn a few dollars. Normally they were boring things like watching for the light to turn from red to blue and pushing the button as quickly as you can. Then she saw one posted on the bulletin board that said “Psychology Majors Only.” She thought that might be more interesting so she signed up.

In the experiment, they showed her a series of drawings and you are supposed to describe what was going on. For example, a young boy was sitting on a park bench with his head down feeling sad. A man sat next to him patting him on the back.

She knew if she said that none of the other boys would play with him and his dad was consoling him, it meant that she had trouble relating to others and feared rejection. If she said the boy struck out playing baseball it meant she had a fear of failure. Other possible descriptions would reveal something about her relationship with her father. No matter what description she came up with for the scene, she knew what the psychological conclusion was going to be and she didn’t want to reveal anything about her personality. She finally picked what she thought was the least troublesome description of each scene.

When the experiment was over, they revealed to her its true purpose. They didn’t care what she wrote. They were videotaping her to study facial expressions during stress. They knew that if they gave the test to a psychology major they would do just what she did which is to second-guess and psychoanalyze every possible answer. The test was merely an instrument to induce stress. They showed her the videotape of herself and she made her sorts of weird facial expressions. She chewed on the pencil. She tapped on the table. She flipped her hair back repeatedly. They got plenty of stress-induced reactions out of her.

As I said, I enjoyed the class and was awarded an “A”. I didn’t realize at the time that years later I would be studying personality and psychology through a series of self-help seminars on the Enneagram Personality Typology. I’ll probably do a whole series on that in future episodes.

It was during the third semester that I befriended a psychology major but I didn’t meet her in psychology class. We were both in the sociology class I had before lunch but I didn’t meet her there either. We met Perhaps one fateful day in the Hideaway Cafeteria.

She was the first woman I ever dated who was not disabled. It resulted in a friendship that lasted for decades. The details of that story will have to wait for next week.

Oh… What about the trivia question? No one knows Penny’s maiden name. In 279 episodes from 2007 through 2019 they never revealed her name. See the link in the description for more details.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other exclusive content. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to be able to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 46 – “My First Computers”

This week we continue my nostalgic look back at my college days specifically my second semester at IUPUI and my first-ever programming class.

Links of Interest

https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 46 of Contemplating Life.

This week we continue my nostalgic look back at my college days specifically my second semester at IUPUI and my first-ever programming class. We’ll also recount the history of the first computers I ever used.

As reported in previous episodes, I can handle logic problems, story problems, geometry, trigonometry, and algebra with little difficulty. But if you give me a column of numbers, I can add it up three times and get three different answers. I attribute this problem to my beloved third-grade teacher Miss Holmes. She determined I was a gifted student and didn’t want to burden me with so-called “busywork” like mindless repetitive math and spelling drills. As a result, I’m terrible at basic arithmetic and I can’t spell the save my soul.

Given these academic shortcomings, getting into computers was natural for me because it required my logical thinking and I let the computer do the grunt work of arithmetic and years later things like spellchecking.

I thought I would trace my early history with computers from the beginning. Somewhere along the way I’m guessing about age 6 or 7, I was given a toy abacus. I believe it had about six or seven columns of beads. The lower portion had 5 beads in each column and above that were 2 beads. The lower beads were worth 1 each and the upper ones worth 5 each. When the lower section filled up to 5 then you would throw one of the upper beads. When both upper beads were thrown you would push them back and carry the one.

It didn’t take me very long to realize you really only needed 4 beads on the bottom and 1 bead at the top. Moving that fifth bead up and then only to immediately clearing it and pushing the 5-level bead was a wasted motion. Similarly having both 5 valued beads thrown only to reset them immediately and carry the one was a waste. I later learned that some abacuses are indeed built with only one upper bead and 4 lower beads.

I linked a couple of YouTube videos about abacus use. In one of them, a Chinese gentleman demonstrates a 2-5 Chinese abacus but you will notice he is only using four of the lower beads in one of the upper beads. I learned that the 1-4 style is Japanese and is called a soroban. I never knew what they were called I just played with it as a toy.

In high school, I took a bookkeeping class and we were allowed to use an adding machine but I didn’t have the physical strength to operate one. Of course, there were no pocket calculators in the early 1970s. I think the original pocket calculator the Bowmar Brain came out in my senior year of high school. It was a simple four-function calculator with a red LED display. It retailed for $240. One of my classmates in high school physics had one and we were all jealous.

In my high school senior physics class, I learned how to use a slide rule. That ability alone was enough to brand you as the ultimate nerd. All I would have needed was a pocket protector and a piece of tape holding together broken glasses to complete the picture. Fortunately, I didn’t have either of them.

My mom had a device that was a mechanical pocket-sized calculator called an Addiator. I have linked YouTube videos demonstrating one of these. The one I had was a little taller and narrower than the one in the video but it worked exactly the same. It was made out of metal perhaps aluminum or tin. It had several sliding pieces that you would slide up and down with a metal stylus. You would put the stylus in a notch corresponding to your number. If that notch was shiny silver you would drag it down. If it was tinted red, you would drag it up and over a hook to carry the one. There was a sliding lever at the top that you could pull out to reset all of the slides to zero. I barely had sufficient strength to operate it and if you didn’t get the stylus in the right hole and slide it as far as it was supposed to go, you wouldn’t get the right answer. If the stylus slipped out of the hole, you would get totally lost and have to start over. It didn’t help my bookkeeping grades very much because it was too hard to use.

The first digital computer I owned was a toy called DigiComp. It was mostly plastic with a few metal pieces. There were some springs that would wear out and I replaced them with rubber bands. I still have the device stashed away in a box in my room but I would have to do some restoration on it to get it working so I didn’t bother getting it out for this video. Fortunately, I found a YouTube video demonstrating it. As always, the link is in the description.

Essentially it was a programmable three-bit machine. It would teach you binary logic functions such as AND, OR, NOT, and XOR. You would program it by placing short half-inch or 1-inch lengths of plastic drinking straws onto little plastic pegs. There was a plastic tab hanging out the right side of the device and you would cycle it by pushing it in and out. It was labeled “the clock” and it stimulated one clock cycle of a CPU.

You could program it to do binary arithmetic but the most interesting thing it would do is it would count from zero through seven in binary and then recycle to zero. There were little 0/1 stickers placed on it that would appear in a little window as various pieces slid back and forth. The sliding pieces were appropriately called “flip-flops” because they flipped and flopped back and forth on each cycle of the clock. What I did not know until years later was that these were emulating an electronic circuit which is also called a flip-flop and is an essential component of computer electronics.

I already described my first encounter with a real computer when my friend Dennis carried the teletype machine downstairs at Northwest High School for me to log in to a Honeywell timesharing computer located in the Indianapolis Public Schools administration headquarters.

In recent episodes, we talked about tinkering around with the University’s DEC-System-10 computer via teletypes. However, my first programming class did not use that system. There were two other computers in the 38th St. computer center in the A-Building. The machine I used in my first programming class was an IBM System/360 Model 44. It was sold from 1965 through 1973. It was a specialized version of the IBM System/360 architecture especially designed for scientific computing, real-time computing, process control, and numerical control. I wasn’t aware it was such a strange variant. I just remember the model number and only learned of its specialized capabilities when researching this episode. I doubt that we ever used any of the advanced features.

We did not have direct access to the 360. You would type your programs on punch cards and put them in a deck. There were specialized cards already punched for you called JCL cards. That stood for “Job Control Language”. You would put a few JCL cards on the top of your deck, then the cards from your program that you had written, and then add a specialized card at the end to tell that you are done and what to do with it. You would wrap it in a rubber band and hand it to the computer operator through a window. I think you got some sort of a receipt with the job number on it so you could claim your output later. They would give you an estimate of how long you had to wait to get your output depending on how many jobs were in the queue ahead of you. You would come back in perhaps 30 minutes and they would hand you your output in the form of a double-wide green bar printout. They must’ve given you some sort of job number or something so you could claim your output but I don’t recall that exact mechanism.

You would unfold several pages of fan-folded computer printout only to find out that you made some small typographical error. You would have to re-punch that particular card and repeat the entire process.

Many of my listeners may have no idea what I mean by an IBM punch card. Let me tell you the history as I learned it with a little help from Wikipedia. It may not be 100% accurate.

1880 US Census took eight years to compile the data. Estimates were that would take as long as 12 years to compile the 1890 census at which point they would be two years behind at the time of the 1900 census. An inventor named Herman Hollerith who worked for the Census office came up with a system of recording data by punching holes in card stock. It was originally inspired by punchcards used in the Jacquard loom system for making fancy patterns in woven cloth.

Hollerith developed automatic machines that would count or sort cards depending on whether or not a whole was punched in a particular location. The census data was encoded in this manner. The original cards were the size of a dollar bill at the time because there was existing machinery available for handling paper that size. The 1890 census, although much larger than the previous, took only six years to tabulate using his machines.

He eventually formed a company called The Tabulating Machine Company. That company later merged with three other companies to form the Computing-Tabulating-Recording Company. In 1927 it was renamed International Business Machines or IBM.

The famous IBM cards used in early computers were first introduced in 1928 and quickly became the standard for all punchcard data processing. They used a smooth lightweight card stock 0.007 inches thick. They measured 7-3/8 inches by 3-1/4 inches. Vertically oriented rectangular holes could be punished in any of 12 rows by 80 columns. When we would type a computer program, each line of the program would be punished onto one card.

There were 2 types of keypunch machines the 026 and the newer 029 machines. I don’t recall the technical differences between the two. We had two or three of each of them and either one would serve our purposes. After looking at photos of the machines I found online, I remembered that I preferred 026 because its keyboard was on a short cable and you could move it around a bit. The 029 keyboard was not as flexible and harder for me to reach

The rows of holes were numbered with 12 at the top sometimes called the X row followed by 11 sometimes called the Y row followed by rows 0-9 with 9 at the bottom edge of the card. When you would load your deck of cards into a computer as we did with the IBM 1620, the rule was you put your deck face down, nine edge first. That phrase was drilled into our heads repeatedly.

I remember we had a humorous poem about a programmer who had to pull an all-night shift desperately trying to get the software to run before the deadline. All I remember of the poem was the final 2 lines…

He died of the console of hunger and thirst.

Was buried the next day, facedown, nine edge first.

I took three classes in my second semester. We already discussed my second-semester French class a couple of episodes ago. I also took ”Integral Calculus and Analytical Geometry MATH163”. It was my first calculus class I was awarded a “B”. I don’t remember much about it except that I never really understood calculus until I had to put it to use in physics class.

The programming class I took my second semester was called “Introduction to Algorithmic Proc” CSCI 220 and was taught by Dr. Larry Hunter. We learned fundamental programming techniques using the computer language FORTRAN IV which was very popular for science and engineering programming. We would write our programs in that language, punch them on cards, and run them on the 360.

I think Dr. Hunter had secret unfulfilled aspirations to be a standup comedian. He was a tall thin man whose mannerisms mirrored that of Johnny Carson during a Tonight Show monologue. He held his posture very straight with his shoulders back in one hand in his pocket. He would gesture with his right hand while lecturing. When he would turn to write on the blackboard it looked exactly like Carson turning to say something to Ed McMahon. There were plenty of jokes scattered throughout his lessons.

In addition to learning FORTRAN programming, part of the lesson was about how the hardware of a computer works. We studied the details of Boolean logic and how it was emulated using circuits in the computer. Complex layers of multiple Boolean operations are illustrated in something called a Karnaugh map. We learned how to create and read such maps.

He talked about how computer architecture was laid out. You can’t interconnect every piece of the computer to every other piece of the computer because it would be too complicated. Instead, computers used a system of parallel lines for transmitting data called a data bus. Each component would connect to the bus and communicate through it. He explained that the introduction of integrated circuits made this a necessity.

Knowing what a sense of humor he had, after class one day I told him I had come up with a pair of jokes based on his topics and told him he would be free to use them in future lectures.

I noted that some of having a data bus was necessary once computers were made out of integrated circuits instead of individual transistors. Could this be referred to as “busing to achieve integration?”

Okay for those of you too young to know, in the 1970s, district courts had ordered that children had to be bussed from predominantly white schools into predominantly black schools and vice versa to achieve racial diversity. That was busing to achieve integration

For my second joke, I wondered if Karnaugh maps would be on the final exam. If so, he was going to test our Karnaugh knowledge. If you don’t get that joke, I can’t help you.

He really liked both jokes. He said that we were getting away from using Karnaugh maps and he was considering dropping that section from the curriculum. But now that he had a good joke to go with it, he would have to keep it around a little longer.

He told both jokes in class a day or two later and gave me credit for writing them.

Can’t say that I learned a lot in that class that I couldn’t have taught myself from reading a book on FORTRAN. But that concept would be exploited in a later semester where the teacher would hand us the book and say, “Go teach yourself this course.” Much more on that situation in later episodes.

There was another computer in the A-Building that I did not use for press. It was an ancient IBM 1620. This machine was first introduced in 1959 and was popular throughout the early 60s. It was discontinued in 1970. You’ve probably seen one in old sci-fi movies. When they became obsolete, many were sold to Hollywood as props. They have a large array of blinking lights on the front console and lots of switches. It established in the 1960s media what a computer looked like to the common man. I’ve provided some photos in the YouTube version of this episode and articles linked in the description.

It was not a very powerful computer. The Fortran compiler on it was only for Fortran II and my class was using Fortran IV. We did spend some time learning the differences between the two versions of Fortran but we were never assigned any programs written in Fortran II.

The hardware used a strange format called Binary Coded Decimal. In computers today, a string of zeros and ones 32, 64, or more bits long using base two arithmetic. So for example a 32-bit memory location can store a number from 0-65535 or from -32757 to +32767. Floating-point numbers are stored in a binary format in scientific notation with the significant digits and the exponents stored separately.

The IBM 1620 used decimal arithmetic. It would use 4 bits of data to encode the numbers 0-9. Other combinations of bits were used as data separators or record separators. So in traditional computers, a 32-bit integer is limited to a maximum of 65535 but in BCD you can have a string of decimal digits as long as the entire computer memory. The length of a number was delimited by a data separator value. In theory, you could take two numbers each of which was a string of digits slightly less than half of the entire computer memory. Leave room for one instruction to add them together and it would do so.

Strangely, the computer could not do arithmetic. It would add digits by looking up the answer in a table. It also stored a multiplication table and would look up answers in that table rather than do the actual mathematics.

Because it was outdated and most people were using either the IBM 360 or the remotely located DEC-10. The machine didn’t get much use. Mostly we played around with it.

There was a program you could run on that machine that would put it into a tight loop of a particular duration. If you set an AM radio on the console and tuned it to a particular frequency, you would hear a buzzing noise. Someone had written a program to vary the frequency of that buzz and you could play music. They had several songs already programmed. There was no documentation available but I easily reverse-engineered the system they had for encoding the notes and I encoded a different song. I don’t recall what it was I think it might’ve been a Christmas Carol but I’m not sure.

Attached to the machine was a line printer that would print out your program for you or any other output. We had collections of decks that would print so-called ASCII art. That’s where you use different characters to vary the darkness of a particular square on the page. In some forms, you can overprint large characters to make them darker such as printing an “M” on top of an “X” or a “W” to make dark areas and use periods or commas to make light areas. We had all of the traditional computer images of the time including a Mona Lisa and a naked woman. See the links in the description for examples of ASCII art.

The only students who used this old 1620 for actual classwork were freshman engineering students taking “Engineering 109.” It was a course in FORTRAN II taught by an engineering professor who apparently didn’t know crap about how to teach programming. The computer science students like myself would get inundated with questions from the engineering students.

After living through this for several semesters, I developed a plan. At the start of a new semester, when one of these engineering students asked me a question, I told him, “Come back tomorrow at 2 PM and bring one or two of your classmates. I’m going to teach you computer programming. At the appointed time we found a corner of the computer center and in about 90 minutes I taught them the basics of FORTRAN programming. The universal reaction was, “Why the hell didn’t the professor just explain it that way?”

I told them they had to pay it forward. From now on they had to help other students in the class and leave the rest of us alone.

It worked beautifully. I did that for two or three of my last semesters.

Fast forward nearly 50 years later I met a young lady named Jenica who has the same disability as I have – Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I met her and her mother in a Facebook group on assistive technology. She taking electrical engineering classes at a Purdue extension campus in southern Indiana. They were teaching her C++ programming on Arduino microcontrollers the kind of which I use for developing assistive technology. She was struggling with the class. For me was déjà vu all over again. Here was an engineering student learning programming from an engineering professor who didn’t know how to teach the subject.

I spent perhaps three or four sessions with her via video chat on Facebook Messenger doing for her what I had done for those Engineering E109 students nearly 50 years ago. At one point, everything fell into place and she got it. Although I checked in with her several times, she insisted she now understood what she was doing and similarly, she was paying it forward by teaching the other students in the class.

Although it’s a bit off-topic, I have to tell you that Jenica is my hero because of a story she told me. In high school, she took an electronics course where she was the only girl among about 30 boys. When it came time to learn soldering, the teacher was concerned and asked her if she could handle a soldering iron. She said, “I got this” and had no difficulty. Meanwhile, there were boys in the class who were a bit squeamish about wielding a device that heats up to 400°. Her teacher pointed out that Jenica was having no difficulty with the device. They were embarrassed not only that they were being shown up by a girl but moreover a girl in a wheelchair. They had to grow a pair really quickly. I laughed so hard I cried and told her what is amazing person she is.

Back to my story… the next course in the curriculum was CSCI 300 Assembly Language Programming. The problem was, it is only offered in the spring semester I couldn’t take it in the fall during my third semester. That’s how they screwed me up by not allowing me to take CSCI 220 my first semester. It got me out of sync with the way the classes are offered.

I decided to primarily spend my time at the downtown campus picking up several liberal arts classes to fulfill those requirements. Next week we will talk about my third semester and the adventures I had at the downtown campus.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other exclusive content. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to be able to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 45 – “Earning a BS Degree”

In this episode, I continue reminiscing about my college days at IUPUI. We pay tribute to one of my dearest college friends, the late great Mike Gregory.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 45 of Contemplating Life.

This week we continue my series of reminiscences of my college days. Today’s topic is my dear late friend Mike Gregory.

If you had asked me a few weeks ago where and when I met Mike, I would have said it was in my physics classes because my fondest memories with him are from that class. My transcript says I didn’t take physics until my fourth semester.

According to my transcript, the first-semester class I have not yet described was “Principles of Sociology SOC S161”. One of the main sections of the course was describing how cities evolved. I distinctly remember Mike and I having a conversation with the professor about the 1972 sci-fi novel “The World Inside” by Robert Silverberg. The story is set in the year 2381. People live in 1000-story tall buildings 3 km high. Buildings are divided into separate cities over groups of floors and there is a sort of caste system in which the rich and powerful live on the upper floors and the lower classes live further down.

Mike and I had both been fans of the book and thought it explored some interesting concepts. We discussed those with the professor. For our purposes today, I just tell it because it verifies that I met Mike in that first-semester sociology class.

Mike had a huge personality. He was very outgoing and the kind of person that could easily be described as the life of the party. He had a big hearty laugh that could fill the room. Mike was a few years older than me. Out of high school, he did a few years of duty in the Navy and traveled the world. He was an avid photographer. One time we got together and he showed me slideshows of all the places he had been.

Mike was a consummate BS artist at his core. He loved telling a story about how he got to be a communications operator in the Navy. Military messages were transmitted by teletype between bases and even ships at sea. In order to qualify for the position in communications he had to take a typing test.

A teletype machine is basically an electric typewriter connected over phone lines. It used an ordinary typewriter ribbon. Rather than having hammers like a typewriter, there was a cylinder that would move up and down and spin around similar to the ball on the old IBM Selectric typewriter. You didn’t put individual sheets of paper into the machine. There was a continuous roll of paper mounted on the back that would feed into the machine. Typically it was very cheap paper that was sort of a cream-colored newsprint.

In order to pass the typing test, he had to be able to type 30 words per minute for an entire page with no more than two mistakes. That’s a pretty liberal standard. They gave them the text that they were going to type in advance so they could practice typing the exact words that would be on the test. He went into the room the night before the test, rolled a bunch of paper through the machine, and then carefully typed the assignment on the roll. He then rolled the paper backward onto the roll where it was hidden.

When it came time for the test, he rigged the typewriter ribbon so that it didn’t print. The instructor started the test and he began randomly banging on the keyboard. The print head moved across the page making lots of teletype noise and he had to hit the return at the end of the line. He wasn’t really typing anything but the bell would ring so he knew when to hit return. But it wasn’t printing anything. It was just making noise. When the test was over, he cranked the page up revealing his pre-typed assignment. He had deliberately included one mistake so that it wouldn’t look obvious. He passed the test. Of course, eventually had to learn to type well enough to do the job but he got his foot in the door for a noncombat position during the Vietnam War.

I previously spoke about the lunchroom at the K-building at the 38th St. campus. Mike was one of a group of about a dozen people who hung out together anytime we were not in class. A euchre game would start up sometime in the morning and would often last well past dinner. When you had to go to class, there was always someone there who would take your seat and the game would continue.

After playing for hours, someone would say, “I guess I better go do some homework or go to class.” Then after about 10 minutes, they would say, “Am I at class yet?”

“No, you are still sitting here playing cards,” we would reply. Eventually, we had to go to class or study but the euchre game was a tough place to get away from.

At one point, Mike and I developed signals to let each other know what suit we wanted to be called. If you put your knuckle down on the table, it meant you wanted clubs. I would tap my ring on the table for diamonds. I don’t recall what the other signals were. We finally got caught and had to discontinue the practice.

My fondest memories with Mike were in physics class. We were in at least three perhaps four physics classes together. I spoke previously in Episode 15 about Mike in those classes when I talked about my kindergarten girlfriend who had no arms. She grew up to have a very well-endowed chest and I talked about the principles of physics where normally when one walks you swing your arms to counterbalance your rotational energy from the swinging hips. Mike and I figured out that because she had no arms to swing, the rotational inertia was absorbed by her bouncy boobs. Mike referred to them as coupled harmonic oscillators– a term we used in physics class to describe two objects connected by a spring. I linked that episode in the description in case you missed it.

In one of our physics classes, the professor would call the role and take attendance every day. You would answer by telling him how many of the homework problems you had been able to work on the night before. Typically we had three or four problems. One day just before class began, I turned to Mike and asked, “How many problems were we supposed to do last night?”

“You didn’t do the homework?” he asked. “We had three problems.”

I replied, “I guess I must have gotten two of them right.” In the same way that he had deliberately made a mistake on his typing test so as not to raise suspicion, I didn’t want to brag saying I could do all three problems so I dialed that back one and claimed I had done two.

The professor must have decided to call the roll in reverse alphabetical order that day because I was the first one he asked. I proudly answered, “I got two of them right.”

“Very good Mr. Young,” and he continued to call the roll. Much to my surprise and distress, it seemed like the average answer among my classmates was only one problem, and several of them admitted they were unable to work any of the problems even though they had tried. Apparently, the homework that day was especially difficult.

He then chose one of the problems for someone to work in front of the class. When he called on me, I said, “That was the one I missed.”

Someone else went to the blackboard and worked the problem. When they finished, the professor turned to me and asked, “Do you understand it now Mr. Young?”

“Yes sir.”

Mike could hardly keep from laughing. He leaned over and whispered to me, “You know Chris, a few years when they hand you that diploma with the letters BS on it, you are really going to have earned it.”

“Hey… I learned to BS from the master Mr. I Can Type 30 Words Per Minute.”

Mike and I enjoyed nerdy physics humor. In order to understand these jokes, I need to dig into some pretty obscure physics principles. So bear with me.

In electromagnetic waves such as radio waves or light waves, the frequency of the energy is denoted by the Greek letter nu. The formula for computing frequency is c divided by lambda or more commonly read as c over lambda. In this formula “c” is the speed of light and lambda is the wavelength.

Whenever I would greet Mike I would ask, “What’s new?”

To which he would reply, “c over lambda.”

The other physics joke question we enjoyed was, “What’s a Joule per second?”

The answer is, “True”. The joke is that it’s not “What” W.H.A.T. rather it’s the unit of energy a “Watt” W.A.T.T. You have probably seen your electric bill measured in kilowatts. A “Watt” can be defined as one joule of energy per second. Literally, a watt is a joule per second.

Watt’s a joule per second… True.

This next one is even more obscure… so bear with me again. In mathematics, you cannot take the square root of a negative number. That is because when you multiply 2 negative numbers you always get a positive number and if you multiply two positive numbers you get a positive number. But mathematicians and engineers have found the need to deal with square roots of negatives so they invented an entirely new system of numbers appropriately called “imaginary numbers”. While mathematicians generally refer to the square root of -1 with the letter “i”, engineers and sometimes physicists use the letter “j”. Don’t ask me why. I have no idea. If you take the square of that imaginary number whether you call it “i” or “j” the answer is -1. J squared is -1.

Mike seemed fascinated with the letter “j” in this context. Whenever someone was doing something the opposite of what would be expected, he referred to it as “j-squared” thinking or perhaps a “j-squared” way of doing things. The rest of us not so geeky inclined would just say something like he is doing it “bass akwards”. But for Mike, it was always “j squared” this or “j squared” that.

So… I told you that story so I can tell you this one.

One summer, Mike was visiting me and my family at our lakeside cabin in southern Indiana on Cordry Lake. We had a boat dock with an upper platform that was about 10 feet off the water. Those who dared enjoyed jumping off the upper level of the dock. That particular weekend, one of my sisters had a bunch of her friends visiting or it might have been friends from neighboring cabins, I don’t recall. They were all horsing around chasing each other around the upper dock platform and trying to push one another into the water. Occasionally, Mike would get into it, grab one of them, and toss them in the water.

I was sitting in the water in my floating lawn chair about 10 feet away from the dock enjoying the show. While Mike was sitting on the edge of the dock, one of the kids tried to sneak up behind him and dump him over the edge. Although the kid signaled me to keep quiet, I wasn’t going to cooperate. I said, “Oh Michael…” I never called him that. It was always Mike.

“Yes my good sir,” he replied mimicking my formality.

“J squared you,” I said.

Without turning around, he immediately reached behind him, grabbed the kid who was sneaking up on him, and tossed him in the water. The kid came out of the water looking at me wondering, “What the hell did you say that he knew to look behind him?”

Mike understood exactly what I was saying. In his own private parlance, j squared meant backward or behind. Saying, “J squared you” was code for “Look out behind you.” It’s not like we had this code prearranged. We would just talk to each other in geek speak and we knew what the other was saying.

Mike took a variety of jobs around campus to support himself. At one point, he was working in the basement with one of the physics professors as a lab assistant. They had built something I had never heard of. It was a gadget called Magnetic Resonance Imaging or an MRI machine. They were using it to scan lab animals. Mike told me that someday MRI machines would replace or at least supplement X-rays to help doctors look inside your body. I don’t know that the work they did produced any major breakthroughs but they were working on the technology way before it was the commonplace thing that it is today.

One day I was hanging out with him in the lab where he worked and he had just unpacked a bunch of supplies wrapped in bubble wrap. We all know how addictive it can be to pop bubble wrap. When you squeeze the bubbles in your hand they make a nice satisfying little popping sound. He had a strip of it about 8 inches wide and perhaps 6-8 feet long. I had him lay it out on the floor and aimed my wheelchair so that my left side wheels lined up perfectly with it. I took a running charge at it in my wheelchair. The heavy weight of my chair on the tile and concrete floor made a horrendous popping sound easily as loud as firecrackers. I got about 4 feet into the run and stopped quickly because it was making so much racket.

Then I had to figure out how to turn and get off of it sideways without making much more noise. We closed the door and I slowly maneuvered off of it trying to minimize the sound. We expected that people would come running any minute to see what the hell had happened. Or perhaps panic and call the police to report gunfire. Fortunately, in the early 70s, active shooters on college campuses were not a thing. Had we done it today, I’m sure it would’ve caused a panic. By the way, for four and a half years of attending IUPUI, I don’t think I ever saw any campus security. There might’ve been some at the downtown campus handing out parking tickets to people who didn’t have the proper stickers. I may have seen other officers but they were probably just Indianapolis police taking criminal justice classes and not actual school security.

Mike dropped out of IUPUI before completing his degree. I never knew if he ran out of money or if his grades weren’t good enough. He continued to work for a few months at some research institute that was housed in the A-Building on 38th St. It was mindless grunt work xeroxing the abstracts of scientific articles out of journals and then cutting them up and pasting them into notebooks. Of course, there were no searchable computer databases in those days for looking up articles.

Eventually, he found another job in Baltimore and moved there. His background in communication in the Navy landed him a job with NASA or one of its affiliate agencies. He would sit at a console and type commands to a satellite known as the High Energy Astronomy Observatory or HEAO. Scientists would bring him the coordinates of what they wanted to observe in the sky. He would prepare the commands to uplink to the satellite when it passed over a ground station approximately every 90 minutes. When the satellite would go over, he would initiate commands to download the previous data and then he would upload new commands.

That only took about 15 minutes coming and going. For the rest of the 90 minutes, he had nothing to do. He was able to make unlimited long-distance phone calls from the office so he would call me up and we would just talk for nearly an hour. Then he would say, “Well… I’ve got another satellite pass coming up. I’d better go.”

Eventually, we lost touch. Sometimes he would come back to Indy to visit family we would have a little reunion with him and a few other friends from IUPUI such as Rich, Kathy, and Frank.

At one visit, he told us he was being interviewed for a new government job in satellite communication. We wished him luck. A couple of weeks later, there was a knock at my door. A 40-something-year-old guy in a gray suit flipped open his ID to show me FBI credentials. He said he was doing a background check on a guy named Michael Leeland. Gregory. He wanted to know did we attend IUPUI together. He said he was just verifying his education and that Mike had used me as a reference. I told the guy a lot of nice things about Mike. I told him he was a standup guy and I trusted Mike with my life which was true. One day when the elevator went out in the K-Building, Mike, Rich, and a couple of other guys had to carry me down a flight and a half of stairs.

I mentioned to the FBI guy that I had just seen Mike a few weeks ago when he was in town. The man suspiciously replied, “Oh… I did not know he had been here “

Okay, that was creepy.

After he left, I called Mike to tell him about it. I said, “I never told him all the dirt I have on you such as certain typing tests you allegedly passed. I could have ruined your security clearance and said something like ‘Yeah, I knew Mike from our days in the chemistry lab making napalm for the local Communist Party’ Whoops, hey FBI… If you are wiretapping us, that was just a joke.“ We both laughed hard. Neither of us ever took chemistry.

Mike had used me as a reference when applying for the job but when I told him about the guy suspiciously saying, “I didn’t know he was here in Indy.” Mike was similarly suspicious. He wondered if the guy was legitimate. I certainly couldn’t tell from a brief look whether or not someone’s FBI credentials were real. Hell, I don’t know if I could tell if they were real from a long look. What the hell do I know about FBI credentials? Mike had just broken up with a girlfriend or a wife I forget which and he thought perhaps the guy might have been a private investigator hired by his ex to check up on him. We never did find out. Mike did get the job.

I don’t know if it was the particular job that this FBI agent was clearing him for but eventually, Mike moved to Florida working for a NASA contractor. He claimed that he had actually spent time crawling around in the lower deck and the nose of the space shuttle swapping out equipment. While Mike was indeed a BS artist and it would not have surprised me if he had fast-talked his way into such a job, I don’t believe he would have lied to me and exaggerated about that particular experience.

We lost touch for many years. He ended up back in the DC area married to a wonderful woman named Ravel. We reconnected several years ago via Facebook and exchanged regular emails and occasional video chat.

He was still an avid photographer and one year as a Christmas present he mailed out customized calendars featuring his own photographs. They were really amazing.

He also was an astronomy buff and had a very nice telescope. He was going to purchase an accessory case to hold lens filters. He discovered that the case he was going to purchase online was 3D printed. He asked if I could 3D print one for him. He sent me the dimensions and I was going to design and build it but then he got to thinking about all the other things he could do with a 3D printer and decided to get one himself. He first bought a cheap Chinese kit, put it together, and couldn’t get it to work. He gave it to a friend who eventually got it working. That kind of pissed him off. In the interim, he ordered an Ultamaker 3 which was about a $4000 3D printer at the time. I was jealous. I had a clunky old Printrbot at the time. I got him into the hobby and now he was running a better machine than I had.

I don’t know if he ever built that filter case but he got into another major 3D printed project. He built an open-source 3D-printed humanoid robot known as the InMoov robot. It consisted of a torso, two arms, and a head. It had cameras computer vision, sound, and pressure sensors. It would respond to spoken commands or commands sent via a webpage. He sent me a YouTube short of the robot where he asked it, “How do you feel?” The robot starts singing, “New York, New York” and it gestures with its arms in time with the music. I have included a link in the description.

When Mike and I first reconnected on Facebook, he was getting a new job working for the Navy writing technical documentation for some sort of Navy project. But after he got the job, he said they really didn’t have anything for him to do. I don’t know how long he stayed in that job but eventually quit because he had health problems.

Mike developed multiple myeloma brain tumors. It was kept under control for several years through medications. He would go in about every few weeks to get some sort of chemotherapy or medication that he said would make him half-goofy for several days. Of course, I replied, “Only half goofy as opposed to the totally goofy you normally are?”

“Okay, smart ass… Goofier than usual.”

We didn’t correspond a lot. It wasn’t unusual that we would not message each other for a couple of months at a time. He wasn’t an avid Facebook user.

I look back over the course of 2020 and 2021 I sent him several Facebook messenger messages saying, “I haven’t heard from you in a long time. I hope everything is okay.” They went unanswered which didn’t worry me too much because as I said, he didn’t use Facebook that much.

In July 2022 he still wasn’t answering messages. I found his wife on Facebook and sent her a private message asking about him. She replied, “Chris, I’m so sorry. I thought I had contacted you earlier. Mike passed away on January 3 (that would be 2022), after being in the hospital with pneumonia and C Difficile. He then came home to Hospice, and died at home. He fought the good fight, but the multiple myeloma was stronger.”

Interviewer James Lipton famously asked his guests, “If heaven exists, what would you say to God when you get there.” I will probably answer the Lipton questionnaire some other time but let me say today that if heaven exists, I know what I’m going to say to Mike. I will ask as always, “What’s new?” Presuming that the equations of physics still apply in heaven, I can’t wait to hear him answer, “c over lambda.”

For now, all I can do is quote Mr. Spock and say that Mike has been and always will be my friend. Rest in peace, my friend.

In the next week’s episode, I finally get to take a programming class in my second semester at IUPUI.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other exclusive content. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to be able to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 44 – “Ce N’est Pas Facile Parlant Français” (It’s Not Easy Speaking French)

In this episode, I continue reminiscing about my college days at IUPUI. Specifically this week we talk about my trouble learning a foreign language.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 44 of Contemplating Life.

This week we continue my series of reminiscences of my college days. We will discuss my difficulties in trying to learn a foreign language.

I don’t remember the comedian who said, “I am a bilingual illiterate… I don’t read or write two foreign languages.” I always identified with that statement. I expected to be learning lots of languages in college and I did. Upon graduation, I had mastered, “FORTRAN II, FORTRAN IV, BASIC, IBM 360 Assembly language, Algol, Pascal, PL/I, COBOL, and PPL.” For those of you who are unaware, those are all computer languages and most of them are obsolete and no longer in use. Notably missing from the list are, “C, C++, Java, JavaScript, Python, PHP, HTML/CSS, and others” none of which had yet been invented when I was in school.

Unfortunately, I didn’t start taking any programming classes until my second semester. There was one other language I took in college and that was French. That’s what we are here to talk about this week.

Right after posting last week’s episode about my first days at IUPUI, I realized that my memory of events 50 years ago isn’t what I wish it was. While many of my classes were quite memorable, I couldn’t remember all of them or what semester I took a particular class. I got to thinking wouldn’t it be great if I had a list of all the classes I took? Something like a transcript? Duh. Get yourself a college transcript, Chris.

I had no idea how to go about it. The website for IUPUI still exists even though the school doesn’t. The website is transitioning to an Indiana University at Indianapolis website so it is very IU oriented. I wasn’t sure I could get a Purdue transcript. Some Google searches led me to the right pages. Step one was “Login with your IUPUI username and password.” When I went to IUPUI, the internet didn’t exist so I knew I didn’t have a password. I finally got to a section that would ask me questions to verify my identity. It was one of those multiple-choice questions where you have to pick the one that applies to you. Okay, I know my home address and that the other address listed I never lived there. I forget what the second round question was the one that worried me was “Which of these classes did you take?” Hell, if I could remember what classes I took, I wouldn’t need the damned transcript in the first place.

Fortunately, I recognized “Formal Compiling Methods-Purdue CSCI 661”. After clicking on that, it decided I was who I said I was and took my application for a transcript. Total cost $0.00. I was surprised it was free and I figured it might take days or weeks but within a few hours, my email contained a PDF of my official transcript.

I mentioned last week there was a writing course I took. Its formal name was “Basic English Composition W117” The transcript says I was awarded an “S” for “satisfactory” which means I tested out of the class.

The math class I took was “Elementary Math for Engineering and Physical Science – Purdue MATH 151” I earned an “A” and 5 credit hours. I knew that the class would not count towards my math total for my degree but I didn’t care. Spoiler alert… I should have cared. More on that in future episodes.

One of my other first semester classes was “Elementary French FR F101”. That’s going to be our primary topic for today.

I knew that I took 3 semesters of French but I did not think about the fact that the French class was taught at the downtown campus. I thought my first semester I was exclusively at 38th Street. I wish that the transcript told me the class times in the location of the class. There is probably an archive somewhere with the old course catalogs but I searched all over and couldn’t find anything that old.

I know that many semesters where I had classes on both campuses I would go to one school in the morning, transfer to the other campus around dinnertime, take more classes in the evening, and then come home. When VocRehab agreed to pay for my transportation, they would only give me 2 trips per day. CareVan wheelchair van service would take me to one campus in the morning, transfer me to the other campus around dinnertime, and then my dad would pick me up in the evening at the second campus.

The School of Science required three semesters of foreign language. Again they wanted you to be a well-rounded individual and not just a science nerd. Most science students took German because, in the third semester, they could take a course called “Scientific German” which was mostly scientific and engineering vocabulary. I seem to recall my friend Dennis going that route.

I had taken two years of French in high school and did terribly. We got report cards every six weeks. My report card went A, B, C, D, D, D… and then straight D’s for the rest of the two years. I didn’t want to start over with German since I knew I was no good at foreign languages to begin with.

The instructor was a very nice woman named Mme. Chang. Yet she was blonde-haired and blue-eyed. Married to an Asian guy. She realized quickly I already knew some French even though this was an introductory course and most of the students had no previous experience. I explained to her how poorly I had done in high school French and that’s why I was starting at the beginning. At one point she warned me I was resting on my previous knowledge and that next semester I would be working my ass off.

My fondest memories of that class were 2 jokes I was able to make in French. at first, she thought I didn’t understand the question but then I said, “That was my attempt at a French pun.”

She asked in French, “Comment trouvez-vous la musique rock?” Which loosely translates, “What do you think of rock music?” But a more direct translation is, “How do you find rock music?” In the sense, “How do you find” is like do you find it too loud, too annoying, too cool, etc? I replied, “Je le cherche dans ma chambre.” Which translates, “I look for it in my room.” I said that because that’s where I kept my record collection. She thought I didn’t understand the question. I was making a joke. Once she understood I was making a joke, she told me that the French phrase for “pun” is “bon mot” which is literally “good word” or “right word”. Google translate disagrees but that’s what I learned in French class. Maybe it’s a dialect idiom.

The other phrase I was able to use in class of which I was particularly proud was we were taught the French word for frog which is “grenouille”. In a conversation about frogs, I commented spontaneously, “Ce n’est pas facile étant vert.” Which translates, “It’s not easy being green” quoting Kermit the frog. I was so proud of myself that I knew how to translate the present participle of “to be”. I also thought it was cool that my French translation of the sentence still fit the music. I’m not going to try to sing it. You should thank me for that. Anyway, I thought about trying to translate the entire song but I never got around to it.

By the way, Google translates it as “Ce n’est pas facile d’être vert.” So I thought perhaps I had remembered étant wrong and it should have been d’être. So I googled how to conjugate “to be” in French and learned that indeed étant is the present participle. If you use Google Translate on the sentence the way I remember it from French class 49 years ago “Ce n’est pas facile étant vert.” it translates it back into “It’s not easy being green.” So I guess either way works.

Late update… I found a YouTube video of singer Andrew Bird singing “It’s Not Easy Being Green” in both French and English. Here’s a brief sample of his version. He used “d’être“ and not “étant” like I did. I don’t know if he translated it himself or perhaps used Google Translate and that’s why it came out that way. Any French-speaking people out there listening please leave a comment and tell me which version you prefer. I provided the links in the description to various Google Translate and to the Andrew Bird YouTube video.

By the way, my favorite version of the song is the one done by Ray Charles, a man who has never seen green or any other color but still sings the song with great passion. There is a link in the description if you never heard it.

Although I never translated the entire Kermit the Frog song into French, in high school I spent considerable time trying to translate the words from a Beatles song from French to English. The 1965 Beatles song “Michelle” from the album “Rubber Soul” contains the lyrics…

Michelle, ma belle

These are words that go together well

My Michelle

Okay, I already knew “ma belle” translated to “my beautiful” or “my beauty.” The song then continues…

Michelle, ma belle

Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble

Tres bien ensemble

One day in high school I sat down with my French/English dictionary and tried to translate “Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble”. It took me about 30 minutes before I realized it translated, “These are words that go together well.” Well, literally, “Are the words that go very well together.” But you get the idea. The song has already been translated for you. If I had been any good at French, I would have recognized it immediately.

One of the problems I had when studying a foreign language was that I didn’t understand some of the technical language terms in English grammar. Things like participles, gerunds, and pluperfect stuff. Throughout grade school and high school, we didn’t get into that very much. We didn’t conjugate verbs in English. I spoke and wrote proper English because my parents were reasonably good students and high school graduates. We didn’t have any ethnic or cultural background in our family that would lead me astray from standard English. So I never bothered to learn why I spoke the way I did in English. When I went to French, I had to learn all of that grammar stuff in both English and French. Then you throw in the idea that all nouns are either masculine or feminine and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to that, I was constantly struggling to figure out the gender of inanimate objects.

I wonder how they are tendering that kind of stuff these days when gender seems to be so fluid. Can tables be both masculine and feminine? What are your pronouns table?

My college transcript reports I was awarded a “B” in the first semester of French.

My second semester French wasn’t as difficult as Mme. Chang suggested it would be. I had a little old lady for a teacher whose name escapes me. She stood about 4 feet tall and could not have weighed 90 pounds dripping wet. When she walked, she shuffled her feet reminiscent of the way Tim Conway used to play that old man in sketches on the old Carol Burnett show. She was a very easy teacher. I wasn’t so much relying on my previous high school experience in French as I was that the class was simply easy. It wasn’t tough at all.

I distinctly remember that I took the class in the evenings at the downtown campus because when my dad came to pick me up one night, he had the hold open the door at Cavanaugh Hall for some little old lady who was too frail to push the door open. I told him, “That was my teacher.” He was amazed she could get around the building at all.

As part of French class, we were supposed to spend time in the language lab listening to tapes. That would’ve made me stay very late at the downtown campus. You could bring them a blank cassette tape and they would speed copy the lessons onto your tape at double speed. When you played them back, they came out normal. I persuaded them to allow me to use the tape copies to fulfill my requirements. The guy in the lab checked off my name and gave me credit for picking up the tape copies but I don’t think I ever listened to a single one of them.

One of the things this second-semester teacher praised me for was my excellent pronunciation which in her opinion was the best in the class. I suppose I was resting on my previous laurels in that regard. My transcript says I was awarded a “B”.

I remember a funny story told by a gal in my second or third-semester French class. I can’t remember which. For one summer during high school, she participated in a foreign student exchange program where she went and lived with a French-speaking family in Canada and a French-speaking student came to America in an exchange. It was an opportunity to immerse herself in a French-speaking culture. She said it was quite an enjoyable experience. Although it was in Canada, the family spoke French consistently.

On the eve of her departure, they prepared a lavish dinner as a farewell gesture. At the end of the meal, she leaned back in her chair, patted her stomach, and declared “je plein” which was her way of saying, “I’m full.” The entire family was shocked and began talking so rapidly that she couldn’t understand a word they were saying. She didn’t realize that using that particular way of saying that your belly was full was an idiom for saying, “I’m pregnant.” They thought she was making some big announcement with a smile on her face like it was something to be proud of. After being responsible for the girl’s well-being they were terrified she had gotten herself into trouble on their watch. She eventually learned that the proper phrase under those circumstances was “Je suis satisfait” which translates more directly as “I’m satisfied or “I’m sated”.

Hearing that story made suffering through those French classes worth it. It’s one of my strongest memories from my college days.

Finally, in my third semester, my luck ran out. According to my transcript, the class was called “2nd Year Conv Comp & Reading 1 FREN F203”. I’m not sure what “Conv Comp” meant. Perhaps conversation and composition. I just remember it was mostly reading short stories in French.

We had a professor named Dr. Burke who was a former Jesuit priest. He had lived and worked in France for many years. He was the most arrogant, pain in the ass, stickler for perfection I’ve ever met. Although I was top of the class in pronunciation in my second semester, he thought my pronunciation was absolutely horrible. He corrected me constantly.

He also had a horrible reputation with female students. Legend said he always picked one girl in the class who he would berate viciously. It was as though he was determined to get her to cry on a regular basis until she would eventually drop the class. Someone said they kept a stack of forms in the foreign language department that were already filled out to drop out of or transfer from Dr. Burke’s class. There was further speculation that “gender female” was already checked on those forms. That is the extent to which he had a horrible reputation with female students.

I was maintaining a “D” average on the homework and quizzes. I absolutely had to pass the class to graduate. At one point about two-thirds of the way through the semester, I stopped by his office. I told him, “You and I both know I’m not any good at this class and I have no motivation to get better. But I absolutely have to pass to get my degree. I show up every day. I do the work. I put in minimal effort. You are giving me ‘D’s consistently. Can you promise me that if I continue to show up to every class, do every assignment, and produce work at the same horribly substandard level that I have been doing you will give me a ‘D’ for my final grade?”

He said, “Yes I can promise you that.”

I thanked him. Left left his office. I continued to perform terribly in his class and was awarded my promised ‘D’. The class wasn’t that terrible. I did enjoy a couple of the French short stories we read. When it was all done, I was glad to be done with foreign language once and for all after 2 years of high school and 3 semesters of college French.

I still barely know anything of French. Occasionally when someone is speaking French on TV such as the recent season of the Darrell Dixon Walking Dead series I can pick up a word or two. In hindsight, I wish I had taken Spanish because my neighborhood and my church have a growing Hispanic population. We have mixed English and Spanish services at St. Gabriel now.

According to my transcript, the other first-semester class I took was “Principles of Sociology SOC S161”. It was in that class that I met one of the best friends I ever had. A guy named Mike Gregory. Next week’s episode will be a tribute to my dear friend who sadly is no longer with us.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other exclusive content. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to be able to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast. Again, I am especially interested in people who speak French and can weigh in on some of the translations in his podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 43 – “Getting into College”

In this episode, I begin a series of episodes about my college days working towards a degree in computer science at IUPUI. This week we talk about getting into college. Not just being accepted but getting in the building in a wheelchair which wasn’t exactly easy.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 43 of Contemplating Life.

In a previous series of episodes, I described my school experiences from kindergarten through high school attending a special education school as well as my neighborhood high school. Now it’s time to go to college.

I’ve mentioned many times that I attended IUPUI but if you aren’t from central Indiana you’re probably saying, “What the hell is that?”

The acronym stands for Indiana University–Purdue University at Indianapolis. So it is a combination of the two largest state-supported universities in Indiana. Or I guess I should say, “It was…”. Earlier this year, IU and Purdue had a bit of a falling out and they dissolved the partnership. Let’s talk about the parent schools for a second.

Indiana University has its primary campus in Bloomington Indiana a little over an hour’s drive south of Indianapolis. There are several satellite campuses around the state, the largest being in Indianapolis. In addition to the liberal arts programs at a downtown campus, the IU Law School, School of Medicine, and School of Nursing are based in Indianapolis.

Purdue University is in West Lafayette about halfway between Indianapolis and Chicago. Purdue has an excellent agricultural research program but is more famous for its science and engineering programs, especially aerospace. A total of 25 astronauts have attended Purdue University including Neil Armstrong and Gene Cernan – the first and last men to walk on the moon. The Indianapolis extension consisted of just two buildings on 38th St. across from the Indiana State Fairgrounds.

In 1969 these two Indianapolis extensions were combined into a single institution known as “Indiana University–Purdue University at Indianapolis”. At the time it held the distinction of being the longest-named university in the United States – a record now held by “California Polytechnic State University San Luis Obispo”. Even the acronym IUPUI is a mouthful. At one point early in its history, people referred to it as “oo-ee-poo-ee” apparently an attempt to pronounce “IUI” followed by “PUI”.

Over the years, new science and engineering buildings were constructed at the downtown campus and the Purdue programs on 38th St. were moved to the new buildings downtown. That move occurred after I graduated.

IUPUI is often described as a “commuter college” in that very few students live on campus. Most live in their own homes or apartments somewhere in the city and attend classes by driving to school. IUPUI is a university full of parking spaces and not dormitories. The term “commuter college” should not be construed to imply it’s a “community college.” It is a renowned institution of higher learning with distinguished alumni of its own. It supports vibrant research programs in a variety of fields.

It saddens me every school I ever attended has been dissolved. Indianapolis Public Schools #97 James E. Roberts School for the Handicapped was closed in 1986 and eventually turned into an apartment building. Northwest High School was converted into a junior high school. Most of the classes I attended at IUPUI were at the 38th St. campus because that’s where the Purdue programs were located. New buildings were constructed at the downtown campus and everything was moved there. The 38th St. buildings were torn down and are now used as overflow parking for the Indiana State Fairgrounds. And now that the merger between IUI and PUI has been dissolved, Even IUPUI no longer exists.

I’m not sure who got what in the divorce between the two institutions or how that works on a practical level. Even though I attended something called IUPUI, my diploma says “Purdue University Awarded at Indiana University Purdue University at Indianapolis.” So I got a Purdue degree not an IUPUI degree.

To get a degree in the school of science like I did, you are required to take some liberal arts courses to make you a well-rounded individual and not just a science nerd. I took classes like US history, French, psychology, and sociology at the downtown campus. My science and math classes were on 38th St. So my question is, if I’m getting a Purdue degree at the new Purdue at Indianapolis, does Purdue offer liberal arts classes that duplicate those offered by Indiana University at Indianapolis? Obviously, if you were in West Lafayette at Purdue, they would have liberal arts. It looks to me like the split is going to be more expensive if Purdue is duplicating all of those classes here in Indianapolis when they are being offered across the street at an IUI building.

Late update… After writing the script I found an FAQ that explains more details about which programs are moving where. You will be able to transfer credits between the two institutions and Purdue students can take IU classes and vice versa. I put links in the description.

Anyway, enough rambling about the institutions. Let’s talk about my experiences there.

IUPUI was my only practical choice. I couldn’t imagine living on campus and having to deal with hiring caregivers. I wasn’t used to being away from home. I would live at home and commute like most people.

At Northwest High School I took the PSAT test my junior year but I don’t remember the results. I’ve found a copy of my SAT results that I took my senior year and I got 540 verbal and 620 math. You may recall in my article “The Reunion” I found a way to somewhat cheat on an IQ test because the test was designed so that the answers on one side of the page lined up with the answers on the other side of the page. The designers of the PSAT and SAT were smarter than that so I had to take the tests legitimately. But I certainly had my eye open for that opportunity.

The Indiana Department of Vocational Rehabilitation also known as VocRehab paid for my tuition. The application process wasn’t very involved. I have heard stories of kids with Duchenne muscular dystrophy being denied help from their state rehab agency because they felt the kid wouldn’t live very long. As I previously mentioned, most kids with DMD barely make it into their mid-20s. But there were no such concerns expressed about my potential lifespan or lack thereof.

I applied to IUPUI with nothing but my grade transcript which was about a B average and my SAT scores. In those days colleges and universities didn’t require things like a written essay and I don’t think that at state schools like IU and Purdue even today. That’s just for prestigious private schools. State schools just are not very picky about admissions. I was confident I would be accepted so when I got my acceptance letter naturally I was very happy but it wasn’t one of those jump up and down screaming moments you see on YouTube. I guess I never really thought about what I would do if I wasn’t accepted.

My only other options would be private colleges such as Butler University or Marion College. VocRehab will only pay state school tuition rates. You can go to a private school but you have to make up the difference. I don’t think my family could have afforded that.

Sometime during the summer, I met with a guidance counselor at IUPUI who was a math professor. We picked out my first semester classes. I wanted a degree in computer science which at the time did not yet exist at IUPUI. But there were promises that one would be established in about a year. So initially, I was considered a math major which was a big mistake. I wasn’t going to be taking any programming classes my first semester. That caused major problems later on.

I took a college-level algebra class because I wasn’t confident in my algebra skills from high school. For a school of science degree, this course was considered a remedial course and I would not get Math credit for it. I said that’s okay. I still needed the course before I tried to tackle calculus. Once I was in the class, I realized it was much easier than I expected and I easily got an A.

I really liked the teacher. One time he called on me and asked me if I got the right answer on a particular problem. I said, “I probably did.” He replied, “This is not a probability class. You either got the right answer or you didn’t.” That cracked me up along with the entire class. He followed up saying, “Commit to your answers. Even if you are wrong you will learn something. But don’t give me this wishy-washy I might be right.” That was a good lesson to remember.

I took physics and a creative writing class. There must’ve been one or two other classes but I don’t recall what they were.

The writing class was a bit of a joke. The assignments were strange. The TA they had teaching it was a strange guy. After about three weeks he announced that three people would be leaving the class because they had taken the test to test out. He did not offer the option to test out to anyone who didn’t get an A on the first assignment. What I did not know was I could’ve taken a writing test over the summer and skipped the class entirely. There would be another option to take the test two-thirds of the way through the semester. I got A’s on all of my following assignments and he let me take the test which I passed. I got to skip the last third of the semester.

For the first semester or perhaps two, Mom drove me back and forth each day. Eventually, we persuaded VocRehab to pay for transportation. A wheelchair van service called CareVan would pick me up in the late morning and drive me to the 38th St. campus. I would have classes in the afternoon and early evening and then they would bring me home at the end of the day.

Getting accepted to college was relatively easy. Getting into college… That is getting into the buildings and getting around… That was a different story.

The 38th St. campus consisted of two buildings separated by Coliseum Avenue. That is the street that runs perpendicular to 38th St. and leads into the main entrance of the Fairgrounds. To the west was the Krannert Building or K-building which consisted of classrooms, labs, and offices. To the east of Coliseum Avenue was the Administration Building or A-building which housed administration offices, the library, a large architectural classroom set up with lots of drafting tables, and a couple of other small classrooms in the basement. It also housed the computer center.

On Coliseum Avenue there was a Burger Chef fast food restaurant between the two buildings. The back half of the Burger Chef also contained some offices for the psychology department but I never went inside the psych building in four years.

I’ve had a difficult time trying to find photos of these buildings which were torn down years ago. The YouTube version of today’s podcast includes a couple of photos and a map I created that shows where in the parking lot that exists today, the buildings were originally located.

The K-building was three stories tall plus a basement however the first floor wasn’t ground-level. It was up a half flight of stairs. The only way into the building by wheelchair was through the loading dock. There was a long, well-built wheelchair ramp leading up to the loading platform. Then you would get on a freight elevator to go down to the basement. From there I would transfer to the passenger elevator to access the three main floors. The freight elevator had large manually operated doors that slid up and down. Then a grill door that you would slide manually to the side. There was no way I could operate the elevator on my own.

They gave me my own keys which would call the freight elevator if it wasn’t at the dock. However, if it was in the basement and they left the door open, whoever was with me would have to go into the building, go down to the basement, close the elevator doors manually, and bring it up to the loading dock.

Inside the building, the passenger elevator was a regular fully automated passenger elevator. But to call the elevator, you had to have keys. Once you were inside, you just pushed the button to choose which of the three floors or basement you wanted to go to. My dad took a long half-inch diameter dowel rod and mounted the key on the end of it. With great difficulty, I could sometimes get the key in and turn it by myself. But then I had to get it back out again by the time the doors opened, drive into the elevator, and then use the stick’s other end to push the button. Sometimes I would have trouble getting the key out in the elevator would come and go before I could get in.

I soon gave up on that plan and just carried the keys on a keychain. I would get someone walking by to insert the key and turn it for me. Initially, I didn’t have them wait around. When the elevator arrived, I would go in and push the button with my stick. Unfortunately, one day I got on the elevator, dropped the stick, and could not push the buttons. I had to wait until someone else such as a staff member called the elevator so I could get out. After that incident, whenever I asked someone to call the elevator for me. I would have them wait until it arrived, reach in, and push the button for me. They didn’t need to ride with me. Just push the button and I could get out on my own. People were very generous with their help and oftentimes I had friends with me who could do it.

We didn’t have a cafeteria with food service. We just had a big lunch room with tables and chairs and a small room filled with vending machines. You could get horrible microwave pizza or a stale ham sandwich. I decided to pack a lunch. My favorite choice was mom’s famous tuna salad sandwiches but I had no way to refrigerate it. By the time I got around to eating the sandwich, the mayonnaise would separate and the oil would soak into the bread making it a soggy mess. It’s a wonder I didn’t get food poisoning from stale mayonnaise.

As I mentioned, there was a Burger Chef between the two buildings. Occasionally we would get someone to make a run over to the place and bring back food. I think it wasn’t until my third year that they established an “Office of Handicapped Student Services” and they would have a volunteer who would run to Burger Chef for me and a half dozen other disabled students. Burger Chef gave them a printed notepad with the menu on it like the ones that the people behind the counter used to take orders. So we would just check off what we wanted and someone went take it over there and hand it to them. Of course, that didn’t ensure that they got the order right every time.

The K-building also had a rather large recreational room with pinball machines, pool tables, a foosball table, and other tables that were often used for chess games. I drew up a sketch of a spring-loaded pool cue that I was going to have Dad build but we never got around to it. I don’t think it would have worked anyway.

My friend Rich and I would play pinball together. I could pull up my wheelchair and push the left flipper button and he would push the right one.

Access to the A-building was also via a loading dock. The ramp was a little bit scarier and you had to drive your wheelchair very close to the edge of the loading dock to get onto the elevator. There was no railing and it would’ve been easy to drive your wheelchair off the edge of the loading dock and plunging about 2 and a half feet down. The elevator was one of those freight elevators that came up out of the floor through folding doors. A very loud alarm bell would ring all the way up. It was almost deafening to ride the elevator up to the loading dock from the basement with that bell ringing and bouncing around the metal walls of the elevator. My fraternity would take people up and down on the elevator blindfolded as part of their hazing ritual. More on my frat experience in later episodes. Again this elevator had manually operated sliding grates for doors. Not only were the doors manually operated, you had to hold the pushbutton continuously to make it work.

Once inside the basement, you could take another regular automatic passenger elevator up to the first floor where the computer room was on the second floor where the library was. As I mentioned previously, I didn’t take a computer class my first semester so I didn’t have much opportunity or need to go across the street to the A-Building. By the time I did need to frequently go to the computer center, they had rebuilt the ramp, extended the loading dock, and added a safety railing.

The computer center housed 2 of the 3 available computers. An IBM 360/44 and an IBM 1620. More about them in a later episode. There were also about half a dozen 026 and 029 keypunch machines to type your programs on punch cards. Although I occasionally used these machines, most of the time I used a third computer which was housed at the downtown campus. There was a row of about a dozen teletype machines in the computer room and 2 CRT terminals available for connecting to the downtown machine.

I didn’t always have to go across the street to access the teletypes. There were also 2 teletypes in the K-building hidden away. One was hidden in a locked closet under a stairway. My friend Mike knew how to Jimmy the lock to get it open. You didn’t have to pick the lock. You just had to slide a credit card between the door and the doorjamb and push back the latch. Once you were inside, people presumed you had permission to be there and didn’t question you.

The other teletype machine was in a small room called the “Calculation Lab”. It housed several very expensive mechanical adding machines including ones that would do multiplication and division completely mechanically. They made a terrible racket when they ran. There was also a very sophisticated programmable electronic adding machine that could be programmed by sliding magnetic striped cards through a slot. Keep in mind, that this was years before the personal computer had been invented.

All of the teletypes were classic ASR 33 teletypes. The one in the Calculations Lab had a paper tape punch machine on the side. It was identical to the one that my friend Dennis had carried down the stairs at Northwest High School for me to use to run programs. We previously talked about the fact that this was the equipment that Bill Gates used to write his first commercial product, a BASIC interpreter program.

All the teletypes were connected via phone lines to a Digital Equipment Corporation DEC-System 10 computer downtown in the Student Union Building. Although I didn’t have any computer classes my first semester, I knew people who did. They would loan me their Project-Programmer Number or PPN as it was called and password to log in. If you are old enough to remember the CompuServe online network you had a PPN to log in to their service. That’s because CompuServe ran on DEC-10 computers as well.

We would play a variety of text-based computer games. The most popular were a submarine warfare game and a Star Trek game. See the links in the description for more info about the Star Trek game.

I wrote a small program in the BASIC language to print out the words of “The 12 Days of Christmas”. I only typed in the words to each day one time, then it would go through a series of nested loops to print out the words to each verse adding a line each time. Every time it typed the phrase “five golden rings” it would ring the bell on the teletype machine five times. The teletype typed so slowly that you could almost sing the song as it was typing out the words and keep in time.

Even though I didn’t have any computing classes during my first semester, it was a great experience. I made some good friends who we will talk about in future episodes.

Next week, we will talk more about my second and third semesters. Third semester I spent at the downtown campus picking up several liberal arts classes. I had quite an adventure there.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other exclusive content. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to be able to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 42 – “The Priest, the Nun, and the Miracle”

In this episode, I conclude a series of episodes about my life of ministry in my local Catholic Church. I discuss the struggles I had with our new inexperienced pastor in my experience of a miracle worthy of canonization of a saint.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 42 of Contemplating Life.

This week I’ll continue with more stories of my many years of volunteer ministry for Saint Gabriel Catholic Church. This week we discuss the challenge of adjusting to a new pastor and my experience of a miracle.

Standard disclaimers: I’m not trying to evangelize or preach to anyone. I’m just telling my stories. Also, this is my best recollection of events from over 20 years ago. I may have some of the details wrong or out of sequence but this is what I remember… the way I remember it. I believe I served briefly on the Board of Education. They not only covered the management of the school but the CCD Sunday school program as well as RCIA and other adult education programs. Naturally, my interest was in RCIA and adult education.

The biggest transition after leaving the finance committee was that we had a new pastor. A relatively young priest named Father Bill Marks was assigned to St. Gabriel. He was a tall, blonde, handsome man who somewhat resembled a young Robert Redford.

Let me talk about clergy assignments for a moment.

In my earlier faith series of episodes, I talked about getting private tutorship from Father Paul Rehart at St. Christopher Parrish when I was about six years old. He was the youngest of 3 priests assigned to that parish. While having three clergy in one parish was rare, the standard was 2. There would be an experienced priest assigned as pastor and a young priest newly ordained as an associate pastor. One typically did not get to be a pastor until they had served a considerable time as an associate.

As I was growing up in St. Gabriel we always had 2 priests. When I returned to the church in my late 20s we also had 2. Father Paul Landwerlen was the pastor and Father Conrad Camberon was the associate. Father Conrad was eventually moved and assigned as pastor of another parish but I don’t remember which one. We then had Msgr. Fred Easton lived at our parish rectory and celebrated mass but his regular job was as the Judicial Vicar of the Archdiocese. He didn’t have any other duties at the parish except to celebrate the sacraments.

The Catholic Church as a whole is suffering from a severe lack of new priests so the days when you could have 2 or 3 per parish are long gone. These days, one priest might have to serve multiple parishes.

As our story approaches the turn of the century, that shortage is just beginning to be felt. Father Bill Marks had only briefly served as an associate pastor before being assigned full pastor at St. Gabriel. Having Father Bill assigned as pastor so early in his career was quite unusual.

Having listened to Father Paul Landwerelen preach for a decade, I was looking forward to someone with a new perspective. I got something new all right but it wasn’t anything I could use. Father Bill would tell stories that we knew could not have happened to him and he would tell them as if he was the originator of the story. He would say something like, “I was on a flight to Chicago this week to visit my family and…” he would describe an encounter with a famous person. The likelihood that he would encounter such a person on a flight from Indianapolis to Chicago was near zero. I’ve heard that there are magazines that clergy can subscribe to that contain articles and anecdotes that you can use for a homily. But the idea behind it is that you’re supposed to stand up there and say, “I read this article with an inspiring story I want to relate to you.” Instead, he was taking these articles and making himself the center of the story.

Sometimes it was an old joke that I’d heard many times before but rather than say, “Did you hear the one about the guy…” Again he would tell the story as if it had happened to him.

There were other instances in which his duplicitous nature caused me great trouble.

In addition to our weekly bulletin that was printed and distributed after Mass each Sunday, we had a monthly newsletter with feature articles about the activities in the parish. Sometimes it was a thank you article from a parishioner whose spiritual needs have been met perhaps during the loss of a loved one or an extended illness in which parishioners helped out.

There was a woman who came to my RCIA class who converted to Catholicism and wanted to get involved. She went to Father Bill and said that she wanted to be the editor of the monthly newsletter. He suggested she form a small working committee and come up with a proposal on how to revamp the newsletter and make it more useful. She put countless hours into that committee putting together a proposal. Just before she was ready to present it to him, I had a conversation with him and learned that he was going to cancel the monthly newsletter. I later ran into the woman and said something like, “I guess your newsletter ideas didn’t go anywhere. I’m sorry to hear that.”

She said, “What!?”

I told her I had heard the newsletter was being shut down. She was furious. She had not yet presented her proposal to Father Bill. She was livid that her work was for nothing and was dead on arrival. She ended up leaving St. Gabriel and I don’t know but I think she may have left the Catholic Church completely.

There were also major changes he made in the staff. Many of them affected my friend Judy who was the parish secretary and bookkeeper. Under Father Paul, Judy had a great deal of responsibility. In any other parish, I think someone with her responsibilities would have had the title “business manager” which many parishes had. Saint Monica parish had a man named Jim Welter who I greatly admired. His title was business manager and pastoral associate. A pastoral associate is someone who is a priest but deals with many of the spiritual needs of the parish. It’s the kind of thing that an associate pastor used to do. Our pastoral associate was Sister Timothy Kavanaugh. I think that the titles business manager and pastoral associate could have fit Judy considering the work she was doing. I had often been disappointed that Father Paul had not given her a title that more closely reflected what she was doing.

But Father Bill was offended that a lowly secretary was running the parish. The clashes between Judy and this new inexperienced pastor are not mine to tell. I only mention these things here because they so deeply affected me. It hurt me personally that someone who had dedicated so much of her life above and beyond her job description to work for the parish was being so devalued. She eventually resigned and took a position as an administrative assistant at the Church Federation of Greater Indianapolis. I continued to work with her as her favorite computer consultant for several years in that position.

Judy wasn’t the only staff person who was driven out. We had a part-time staff person named Joan who served as Youth Ministry Coordinator. He redefined her job description such that the position required a college degree. She didn’t have one so it was his backdoor way of firing her. When she filed for unemployment, he contested it in court. He said she was free to apply for the new position of course ignoring the fact that he knew she wasn’t qualified under his new standards.

He went into court with his priestly collar on and testified that he didn’t fire her and therefore she didn’t deserve unemployment. The judge practically laughed in his face and ruled against him. When a man of his position testifies under oath to something with his hand on the Bible and the judge rules against him it says a lot about the kind of person he is.

The obvious fabrications from the pulpit, his disrespect for the staff, and his manipulation of volunteers created an atmosphere where it was impossible to respect anything that he said or to receive any sort of spiritual direction from him.

All of the incidents I’ve described and others I haven’t described affected other people. They were people I cared about but they didn’t affect me directly. I kept telling myself he hadn’t done anything to me personally so I shouldn’t react too strongly. But it was becoming more and more difficult to stay involved in the parish I loved.

It came time for the parish to buy a new computer. I consulted with him and others on what they should purchase. I don’t recall the details of the controversy that arose around that purchase. It all boiled down to the question, “Had the computer been ordered or not?” I was told that it had been and had made major preparations to get it set up and configured. I think I recall we were in a time crunch. Again I don’t remember all of the details but I remember having to make a lot of arrangements that turned out to be unnecessary because the new machine had not yet been ordered.

When I confronted him about it, he argued over the sentence, “It has been ordered.” He argued over the meaning of the word “has” which reminded me of Bill Clinton. Clinton had made a statement under oath during a deposition in the sexual harassment civil trial which came out in public after the Lewinsky scandal. Clinton famously said, “It depends on what your definition of the word ‘is’ is.” Clinton was so duplicitous and chose his words so carefully that he could argue over the meaning of the word “is”.

The idea that my pastor, a man of the cloth, and an ordained priest of God in the Holy Roman Catholic Church could be a deceptive, manipulative, bender of words similar to William Jefferson Clinton completely destroyed any hope that I could work with the man in the future.

I tried repeatedly to get an appointment with him to discuss some church business and he kept blowing me off. When I finally did get to sit down with him, he admitted he was avoiding me because he knew how disgruntled I had become. I told him he was making value judgments. I did have important things to discuss with him. After discussing them, I gave him an earful. I told him that I was done working in any administrative capacity.

I told him I couldn’t keep up with his lies and cover for him when he got caught. The only way to avoid that was to avoid having to deal with him at all. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not something he told me was going to burst someone’s bubble and drive them away from the church when they discovered they couldn’t trust the priest.

I did spend some time crunching budget numbers for the school because the principal there, a wonderful woman named Barbara Shuey, knew my skills as a number cruncher and respected me.

I would keep teaching RCIA because it meant I didn’t have to deal with Father Bill directly. By the way, Father Paul used to teach all but about 8 weeks of the classes throughout the year. RCIA was a high priority for him. I would teach 4 or 5 lessons. A retired history professor from our parish would do two weeks on church history and Sister Timothy would do a lesson on prayer. Father Paul would do nearly 20 lessons to fill out the course. In contrast, we were lucky to get Father Bill to teach 4 or 5 lessons all year. It just wasn’t his priority. So I could continue to do nothing for the church but teach and avoid having to deal directly with him.

I would go to Mass on Sunday and sit through his lies from the pulpit and hate every minute of it. I seriously considered moving to a different parish. St. Christopher in Speedway and St. Michael’s on 30th St. are almost the same distance from my house in St. Gabriel. The problem was, that I attended Mass with my mother, and although she was aware of everything that was going on and disturbed by it, I don’t believe she would change parishes. As upset as she was about the situation, she was in the mode where I had been in that he hadn’t done anything to her personally.

Both my mother and I were devoted to the church and our parish. It wasn’t like we had to be good friends with the pastor as we had been with Father Paul. But there are limits to what we can tolerate.

I also had to consider what kind of message it would send to my students if I wasn’t attending Mass at Saint Gabriel. Here I am saying, “Come join this Church but I can’t stand being here so I’m going elsewhere.” I didn’t know was there would be a teaching opportunity for me at St. Christopher or St. Michael.

As I was dealing with all of this, we had an outside guest speaker come to RCIA. It was a nun from the Sisters of Providence St. Mary of the Woods. They are an order of religious sisters based out of Terre Haute Indiana about 70 miles west of Indianapolis. Their special ministry was as teachers. They had been providing teachers to Catholic schools around central Indiana for over a century. They founded and ran St. Mary of the Woods College. It was an all-girls institution again focused on training educators whether they were vowed religious sisters or not. I had attended a couple of weekend seminars there and it was a very nice facility.

This sister, I’m sorry I forgot her name, was giving a talk about the founder of their order Mother Théodore Guérin who had recently been beatified by Pope John Paul II. This is the final step before becoming canonized as an official Saint of the Catholic Church. The speaker was the nun who was in charge of the program to try to get their matriarch declared a saint.

Mother Guérin was born Anne-Thérèse Guérin in France in 1798. She entered the convent in 1823 and took the name Sister Saint Theodore. In 1840, at the request of the Bishop of Vincennes Indiana, a group of sisters from France led by Sister Theodore came to Vincennes to found a school and convent and to assist with the influx of Catholic immigrants to the area. In those days, Vincennes was the capital of Indiana. This was before the founding of Indianapolis and its establishment as the state capital.

They arrived in the small village known as St. Mary of the Woods and in a small log cabin founded a convent and school that later grew into the institution it is today. Sister Theodore was their Mother Superior.

Apparently, Mother Guérin was quite a character. She was known to hang out in town and engage in intellectual debates with the movers and shakers of the community discussing religion, politics, philosophy, or whatever topic and she could hold her own with the best of them.

Although she was there at the invitation of the Bishop, he tried to micromanage her and interfere in the way that she ran the convent and the school. When she returned to France briefly on a fundraising mission, he tried to hold an election in her absence to have her replaced as Mother Superior. She was unanimously elected to retain the post by her community.

At one point, she was so upset with the interference from the Bishop that she wrote a letter to the Bishop of Detroit and asked if he would sponsor their move to his area. He wrote back rejecting the request and told her to stay faithful and that God would provide. After that, the Bishop of Vincennes never interfered with her again. Probably the Detroit Bishop wrote him a nasty letter telling him to stay the hell out of her way and let her run her convent or he would end up losing them altogether.

Mother Théodore Guérin died in 1856 at age 57.

Under the rules of the Church, one cannot be considered for sainthood until 50 years after their death although there have been exceptions made. In 1907, a process was begun to have her considered for canonization as a saint. To be declared a saint, one has to have two miracles attributed to them. The first was in 1908. One of the sisters in her community had breast cancer and other medical issues including an abdominal tumor and a neurological problem that affected the use of her arms. One evening she prayed at the crypt of Mother Théodore Guérin not for herself but for another sister who was ill. The next day, she regained the use of her arms, her abdominal pain disappeared, the cancer never spread and she lived into her 80s. They never said what happened to the woman she was actually praying for. Let’s hope she recovered as well.

Once you have one miracle attributed to you, can be “beatified” which is a step along the way to becoming a saint. The sister who visited us talked about going to Rome for the beatification ceremony and how beautiful it was. After beatification, you earned the title “Blessed”.

I was greatly inspired by the story of this amazing woman who dedicated her life to God and to education. She also had clashes with clergy that nearly drove her away from her ministry as a teacher. I could identify with that situation. My primary ministry for the church was as a teacher and I was worried that my troublesome clergy was going to make it impossible for me to continue that ministry just as it had happened with Mother Guérin.

That night I went home and prayed to Blessed Mother Théodore Guérin. I told her, “You know what it’s like to try to teach the Word of God under the authority of a troublesome member of the clergy. Yet you persisted and succeeded. Mother Théodore… give me the strength to endure this challenge the way that you endured your challenges.”

The following week it was my turn to teach. Throughout the lesson, I kept thinking that this might be the last time I would teach for Saint Gabriel and perhaps the last time I would teach forever if I could not find a position in another parish.

When I returned home from class that night, my mom had a huge smile on her face. “I’ve got some juicy gossip for you.”

“What is it?”

“Father Paul heard that they are moving Father Bill to a new parish. He will be leaving in just a few months.”

Thank you Blessed Mother Théodore Guérin. All I asked for was the strength to endure. I would never have had the gall to pray that the man goes away. But that prayer was answered. He was leaving my life for good. I could continue to serve my parish as I had been doing for many years.

I don’t recall exactly how long Father Bill was assigned to our parish but I think it was under two years.

We would be getting a new pastor. With new challenges. Like all priests in my life, I had some serious disagreements. But things were much much better after that.

Overall, I taught RCIA classes for 31 straight years.

I wrote a letter to the sister from St. Mary of the Woods who had come to our parish to tell us about Blessed Mother Théodore Guérin. I told her how untenable things had become under my pastor. And how I had prayed to Mother Guérin not for a solution to my problem but for the strength to endure it. And I told her that my troublesome pastor was leaving. I said I didn’t know if it was the kind of thing that would count as the second miracle to get her matriarch canonized but I had no doubts whatsoever that I had my own personal miracle through the intercession of Blessed Mother Théodore Guérin.

The cause for canonization finally succeeded.

The second miracle occurred in January 2001 when a maintenance man who worked at the college wandered into the chapel attracted by sacred music. He was suffering from an eye condition that was going to require surgery. He prayed that the crypt of Mother Guérin and awoke the next day to find that his vision was much clearer. He no longer needed complicated eye surgery and doctors were at a loss to explain how his condition resolved itself.

She was canonized as Saint Theodora Guérin in 2006 and at the time was only the third American Saint.

Father Bill was assigned a new parish in southeastern Indiana just across the border from Cincinnati. I pray from time to time that he is doing well and is growing in experience as a priest and a pastor.

I could continue to talk about my work under our next pastor but I think it’s time to take a break from the religious topics. I know not all of my audience is that interested in this area of my stories. Next week, we go to college. I will talk about my nine semesters at IUPUI earning a BS degree in computer science and I will probably follow up with the two years I was employed as a computer programmer starting with my eighth semester in college.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other exclusive content. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to be able to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 41 – “Agreeing to Disagree”

In this episode, I continue a series of episodes about my life of ministry in my local Catholic Church. I discuss more work on the church finance committee and talk about my relationship with my pastor and good friend Father Paul Landwerlen.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Correction to this episode: I mentioned that Father Paul would be 95 in January. Actually he is 95 now and will be 96 in January. Also I said he retired at age 70. Actually he was pastor until 70 but was appointed as administrator of St. Vincent Depaul Parish on an annual basis until he was 85. He is currently the oldest serving priest in the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 41 of Contemplating Life.

This week I’ll continue with more stories of my many years of volunteer ministry for Saint Gabriel Catholic Church continuing with stories from my eight years serving on the finance committee and later on the Parish Pastoral Council.

Standard disclaimers: I’m not trying to evangelize or preach to anyone. I’m just telling my stories. Also, this is my best recollection of events from over 30 years ago. I may have some of the details wrong or out of sequence but this is what I remember… the way I remember it.

As you’ve seen in these past few episodes, the work on the finance committee at Saint Gabriel was intense but it built a camaraderie among us. We worked hard but we had a good time as well often joking around with one another. One of my fondest memories was a discussion in which we were trying to decide how much to increase a particular line item. Should it be 10% or 11%? I don’t recall if it was me or a committee member named Julie who suggested 11% was a better number. Someone asked why. Julie and I looked at each other and grinned and simultaneously said, “Because it’s 1 more.” And then we both burst into laughter hysterically at the reference to the classic film “Spinal Tap”. Neither of us had any idea that we were fans of the movie before that day. The other committee members looked at us like we were crazy and wanted to know what was so funny. We said, “Spinal Tap.” They still had no idea what we were talking about. By the way, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I included a YouTube clip in the description.

We also very much enjoyed our December meeting because that was our annual Christmas party. We would dispense with our business as quickly as possible then bring out the snacks, turn on the Christmas music, open a bottle of wine, and have a really good time. Larry, the chairman of the committee, always brought a really great cheese ball made by his wife. Somehow that started a tradition that the chairman brought the cheese ball. When I was the chairman, they liked my mom’s recipe almost as well as the one made by Larry’s wife.

As much fun as we had, there were still times when controversies arose and differences had to be worked out.

The Parish Pastoral Council was governed by a set of bylaws. We loosely followed the normal parliamentary procedure of making a motion, having a second, and discussion followed by a vote. The strange thing was that we had to find what we called “consensus”. The theological theory was that God has a plan for us and it’s our job to prayerfully discern that plan and implement it. And there can be no division among us. So consensus in essence meant a unanimous vote on everything. If we are really guided by the Holy Spirit there can be no division among us. The Holy Spirit guides each of us differently so maybe that one dissenting voice has the right answer.

In practice, what we said was, “You don’t have to totally agree with it 100%. But you have to be able to live with it.” Council members were strongly encouraged to sort of go with the flow and side with the majority. I’m not saying rubberstamp whatever we brought in. You could raise objections and often people did. The bottom line was that one individual had the power to block, veto, or essentially filibuster anything.

On one occasion, when I was the finance chairman there was a guy named John on the pastoral Council. John was the finance chairman before me so we had worked together for a couple of years. We were pretty good friends. He objected to the budget which sort of pissed me off because he knew the kind of work that had gone into it having been in our position before. We spent the entire evening listening to his objections, trying to understand his concerns, and to address them. The evening ended with an impasse. We were all sent home to pray over it and come back again in a week.

The finance committee met in a special meeting a few days later to see if we could come up with a proposal that would address John’s concerns. I made a little speech which got me in some hot water. I really screwed it up. I intended to speak in John’s defense but I started out really poorly. I really regretted it. Rather than starting out saying, “I want to defend John but…” instead I said, “I want to say a few things about John. I like the guy but he can be a real pain in the ass…”

Before I could finish my sentence, Father Paul tried to stop me. I insisted on continuing and said, “But I’m not here to criticize him. I’m here to empathize in support him. I’m a pain in the ass also. As much as he frustrates me. I have to defend him because I want the right to be the same kind of pain in the ass as he is.”

When we came back for the second meeting, John didn’t show up. The budget passed through consensus without him. I don’t recall if we made adjustments or if it passed in its original form. He later explained he wasn’t happy with it. But he could live with it. And that was the definition of consensus. You had to be able to live with it.

As I mentioned previously, the chairman of the finance committee automatically had a seat on the parish council as part of their job. Somewhere along the way, they amended the bylaws and said the chairman of the finance committee could not participate in the consensus on budget issues. The finance chairman was otherwise allowed to participate in consensus on non-budgetary matters just like any other council member. They thought that the finance chairman would be biased in favor of the budget that they had worked so hard to present. I was always proud of the work we did but I recognize that we serve at the pleasure of the Council.

I was offended by the idea even before I was the chairman. Did that mean that a school board representative also should not participate because the school budget was on the line? That was a big, big line item. Or what if you represented the maintenance committee? Did they not also have a vested interest in the budget? Even if you’re a member at large and didn’t have a specific role on the Council, everyone there had their own priorities.

My concern was, why would you exclude this veto power from the one person in the room who was the most knowledgeable about the budget? If the Council voted to change the budget in a way that could be significantly detrimental to the financial status of the parish, the chairman of the finance committee would be the one person in the room who would be most likely to know that and to raise concerns about it. The idea that their opinion should not count in the final consensus seemed completely idiotic to me.

After I was no longer on the finance committee but was serving on the parish council for other reasons, I tried to get them to reverse that policy but I was unsuccessful.

I want to conclude this series were some comments about my dear friend Father Paul Landwerlen who was our pastor throughout this time. I’ve mentioned him several times in this series and in my previous faith series in which I talked about my return to the church after a nearly 9-year absence.

Father Paul and I had a great working relationship and I always felt that he respected me and I deeply respect him to this day. But we both got on each other’s nerves on several occasions as you’ve already seen.

One time there was controversy about someone on the school staff doing some bad paperwork on finances. There wasn’t anything nefarious going on. Nobody was dipping into the till. It’s just the record-keeping sucked. Everything didn’t always balance. It was just a procedural problem.

Father met with the person in question to try to work things out but he took John, who was the finance chairperson at the time, with him. Word got out about the meeting. Several school people came to various finance members and asked, “Why is the finance committee involved in a private personnel matter?” Most of us on the committee had no idea what was going on. We didn’t even know about the meeting. At the next finance meeting several of us complained why we were out of the loop on this issue. Father explained it was a staff issue and had nothing to do with our committee. Father seemed upset that we were making a big deal out of this. In his mind, it was none of our business. John simply said, “Father asked me to be there so I went.” I wasn’t upset with him. He was just doing what the boss asked.

So I asked Father, “Then why did you take John our chairman to the meeting with you? He is the public face of the committee. When you take him to a meeting you’re taking this committee. Sure he knows our procedures and was probably a useful resource in straightening things out. Still, either this was a private internal manner that should not have involved anyone from the committee, especially the chairman who everyone sees as the representative of the committee, or it was the work of the committee. We all needed to be at least aware of what was going on and not hear it secondhand and get the 3rd° from people what to know why we’re meddling.”

As I was speaking, Father had a nasty scowl on his face because I was continuing to complain about something he didn’t want to discuss any further. When I finished, his expression changed. He sort of raised his eyebrows and then cracked a grin. Finally, he said, “Uhh… you’re right. Now I get it. He is the public face of the finance committee. Now I get it. I probably should not have gotten him involved.”

“That satisfies me,” I said. The rest of the committee seemed satisfied as well. One of the other committee members, a woman named Betty, used to pick me up at my house in my van to go to the meeting and take me home afterward. After the meeting that night when she brought me home, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, “I’ve never felt closer to you than I did tonight.” She was glad I raised a stink.

The point of the story though is not that I had this great victory in a disagreement with Father Paul. It was that most of the time, if not always, Father really listened to what I and others said when we complained. We didn’t win them all. I’m sure that I and many others frustrated the hell out of him on occasion. And he frustrated the hell out of me. But he would listen when you pinned him down and if you could make a good argument, you could win one now and then. That’s why I love the man so much. I didn’t need to win every argument but I needed to know that my opinion mattered and it did matter to him.

I’ve mentioned before that I taught classes for our RCIA inquiry program for new converts. Father trusted me with that responsibility. I would also attend most of the classes that he taught and afterward, the RCIA team which consisted of Father, me, Judy, my mother, and Sister Timothy would go out to Denny’s after class for a late-night cup of coffee and some snacks. On the evening as we didn’t go out to Denny’s we would generally hang out at church for a while to talk about how the class went or just socialize.

It was on those occasions after class Father and I would have our share of theological debates as well. You may recall way back in Episode 6, I had been asking priests tricky theological questions since I was six years old so I guess this was just an extension of that.

A lot of it had to do with the nature of miracles in the relationship between religion and science. Science fiction author Arthur C. Clarke famously said, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” The same is true for theological miracles that seem magical. It might just be science we don’t understand it. We would debate the nature of miracles.

One time we had a debate about the “Star Trek The Next Generation” episode “Who Watches the Watchers?” season 3 episode 4. We watched that episode together.

The most interesting part of the discussions was the time that I speculatively asked him one time, “What if someday they scientifically proved that Jesus rose from the dead by a completely explainable scientific method? Theologically, Jesus was fully human and completely suppressed his divinity while here on earth so he could fully embrace the human condition as an example for us. Theoretically, anything that Jesus did, if we had strong enough faith we could do as well.

And because we are told that someday we will rise as well, what if science proved that under the proper circumstances, any of us could rise from the dead by the same method that Jesus used?” My point was that I think it would not diminish its miraculous nature. Just because there is a scientific explanation, does not for me mean that God is not involved. For me, science is the mechanism by which God does everything. Science is the study of the things God did.

Father’s response was, ”If you scientifically proved how the resurrection worked, I would hang up my collar and walk away.” I guess he needs his miracles to be mysterious in order to be miraculous.

Father and I spent other social time together over the years. Sometimes we would hang out at Judy’s and watch football or movies. We would often gather at her house on Good Friday and re-watch “Jesus Christ Superstar” over and over every year. He would celebrate Christmas Eve at our house for many years and would visit us at our lakeside cabin in Brown County about an hour south of here.

But sadly, all good things come to an end. Priests are typically appointed to serve at a particular parish for a term of six years and most of the time that is extended for another six years. It is quite common to rotate them to a new place after that. He served at St. Gabriel from the summer of 1982 until the summer of 1996 so he exceeded the typical 12-year term.

There were people in the parish who disliked him greatly. It eventually reached the point where it was apparent that he needed to move on and we needed fresh blood. As much as I was going to miss him and as much as I admired and respected him, I also had the sense that he had taught me everything that he could teach me. I needed a fresh perspective if I was going to continue to grow spiritually. The Archbishop assigned him to St. Vincent Depaul Parish in Shelbyville about 45 minutes southeast of here. He served there for many years and then took the mandatory retirement at age 70. In January, he will celebrate his 95th birthday and is still going strong.

Because there is a severe shortage of priests, he serves as a substitute priest in parishes all over the Archdiocese so he is still celebrating Mass in front of some congregation almost every Sunday even though he doesn’t have any administrative duties any longer.

Overall Father Paul Landwerlen is a great spiritual director and a great pastor, and he remains a good friend to this day. I’m very blessed to have him in my life.

We were assigned a new priest who was quite young. It was his first assignment as pastor. Next week we will talk about that experience and how it nearly drove me away from Saint Gabriel Parish. On the bright side, I will tell the story of how I experienced what I believe to be a genuine miracle worthy of the canonization of a saint.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other exclusive content. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to be able to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 40 – “The Prophet and the Sugar Daddy”

In this episode, I continue a series of episodes about my life of ministry in my local Catholic Church. We talk about the struggles of maintaining a budget in a Catholic parish in the various strategies we used to meet those challenges.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 40 of Contemplating Life.

This week I will continue my story of my many years of volunteer ministry for Saint Gabriel Church continuing with stories from my eight years serving on the finance committee.

Standard disclaimers: I’m not trying to evangelize or preach to anyone. I’m just telling my stories. Also, this is my best recollection of events from 40 years ago. I may have some of the details wrong or out of sequence but this is what I remember… the way I remember it.

It’s difficult to remember what happened in what order when you’re talking about things nearly 40 years ago. This week I have two different stories and I don’t recall when these events occurred or what order. Some of it could’ve been before events I’ve already described in previous episodes. I don’t remember the order of these two separate stories I want to tell this week.

Like last week’s episode, it’s a bit of a best-of-times and worst-of-times story. Let’s get the bad one out of the way first and try to end on a high note.

As I mentioned a couple of episodes ago, the plan to reinstate tuition for Catholic families was not well received but it did solve our immediate budget crisis and saved us from having to close the school.

Although tithing had worked wonders for us initially, there was a certain percentage of the population that just wouldn’t buy into it so the dramatic increases we had experienced tended to flatten out. I don’t think many people gave up on tithing but we just weren’t getting new converts.

There was pressure to do more fundraising. My belief was that any fundraising we did should be for particular projects and not for ordinary operating expenses. Part of the promise of tithing was that we wouldn’t do other fundraising. That promise eventually faded away. The school wanted to further subsidize its income and started something called “Market Day” where you could order frozen food from some service. They would deliver it to the school and you could pick it up once a month. They also sold trash bags after Mass. School volunteers handled all of the logistics of these programs.

I was a bit uncomfortable with it. I seem to recall Jesus got pretty pissed one time about all of the people selling things in the temple and he threw them out. At least this just took place in the school cafeteria and not the actual church sanctuary. All of this was mostly harmless but I would’ve preferred people do their shopping at the store probably at better prices and put the savings in the collection plate. But I didn’t feel strongly enough to raise a stink about it.

I did raise a stink about other things.

I was very upset about how aggressively we pushed people to increase their financial pledges. The standard philosophy of fundraising is that you put your efforts into the big donors because they are the only ones who are going to make or break your budget. You do a minor amount of effort courting smaller donors because they are not going to help anyway. That might work for some big fundraising organizations like a United Way agency where your corporate sponsors are your bread-and-butter and the five-dollar donors help a little. Or perhaps if you are trying to raise big dollars for a capital campaign I can see that is an appropriate strategy. It’s one we used many years later for capital campaigns when we raised money to renovate the church. More on that in future episodes.

But when it came to ordinary income in the Sunday collection, I STRONGLY objected to pushing the large donors and ignoring the little guys. The reason was, our big donors were already tithing. If we kept coming at them more and more, all we were going to do was alienate them.

I wanted to focus on the people who were not tithing. We would have people get up at Mass and give a witness talk about how using tithing and putting God first in their finances had really helped them. I wanted to see everyone have those benefits. We were supposed to be preaching Gospel values and not just fundraising.

I got so emotionally caught up in the arguments over fundraising philosophy that I nearly had a nervous breakdown. The politics and greed were too much for me. I needed to get back to more spiritually-based activities. I signed up to go back on the team for Christ Renews His Parish renewal retreat for a second time.

One of the lessons that I used to teach in my inquiry classes was about the Old Testament prophets. They weren’t just about predicting the future. Their primary responsibility was to be God’s spokesperson and to call people back to God when they went astray. They were almost always persecuted for that. I felt like I was being called to be a prophet. People needed to understand that we were drifting away from spiritually-based fundraising. I was failing at that job and I felt like I was being persecuted for my views.

My entire personality was changing. I was becoming extremely withdrawn and shutting people out. I was bitter and angry all the time. I knew that I was withdrawing. I knew that that was bad for me. I knew it was bad for the people around me. And I didn’t care. I was just too depressed.

The definition of a mortal sin is when you do something wrong, you know it is wrong, and you do it anyway. It also has to be a serious offense. I don’t think going into a deep emotional withdrawal in a self-destructive way necessarily rose to the level of mortal sin. I didn’t steal money or kill anybody or anything. But I certainly was aware that what I was doing was self-destructive and I didn’t care and I did it anyway. So it’s the closest I’ve ever come to a mortal sin.

The thing that brought me out of the self-destructive cycle was when I realized it was hurting the people around me. I was cutting myself off, isolating myself, and pushing people away. I thought about the end of the classic Pink Floyd album “The Wall”. It’s a semiautobiographical story by Roger Waters about how he shut the world out. The final song called “Outside the Wall” goes…

All alone or in twos, the ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand. And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and the artists make their stand.
And when they’ve given you their all, some stagger and fall.
After all, it’s not easy banging your heart against some mad bugger’s wall.

I could see people pounding on my wall trying to pull me out of that situation. And so I had to drag myself out. Like Roger Waters, I had to tear down the wall.

I suddenly realized that if I was in such a personal mess, I really didn’t have anything to give as a member of another CRHP renewal team. I had signed up for the wrong reasons. On the evening that I was supposed to be at a team meeting discerning what job I would take on in the team, I didn’t go to the meeting. Instead, I tracked down Monsignor Fred and I went to confession.

After confession, I joined the team meeting late and told them I was withdrawing from the team. I explained that I joined for all the wrong reasons and that I needed to take care of my personal demons before I could have anything to give of myself to the team or the people who would come to our renewal.

The team was understanding. Father Paul… not so much so. He was a bit upset with me. They barely had enough people to form the team. Without me, they were going to be a man short and someone would have to double up on duties. Trust me, if I had stayed… They still would’ve been a man short. I was not in a state where I could contribute in a positive way. My first trip through the renewal program was emotionally and physically draining on me. I never would’ve made it through a second one.

Eventually, I simply resigned myself to the idea that I wasn’t getting through to the people I wanted to. I was powerless to do anything about it. They were making mistakes and they were going to have to deal with the consequences. It was going to be difficult not to say, “I told you so” when the strategy failed or backfired. I just kept thinking of how the prophets felt when they preached and no one listened to them. How sad it must’ve been to see the people they loved fail to heed warnings. There’s no pleasure in being right under such circumstances.

The policies I opposed did ultimately fail. There was negative backlash as I predicted. I took no pleasure in being right.

So, I think that was the lowest point in my many years of ministry. But there were other successes to celebrate. Here’s another story about the finance committee that’s a little more upbeat.

One day the finance committee was meeting on a Saturday afternoon to stuff envelopes for financial statements. It was that complicated procedure I described a couple of episodes ago where we had to send different letters to different groups of people based on whether or not they were a school family and whether or not they had met their pledge. While we were doing it we brainstormed about strategies for solving our financial difficulties.

As I explained a couple of episodes ago, my best efforts to project our income were unsuccessful. Trying to figure out how much money we could spend in a given year was a challenge we weren’t meeting. One of our members, a very dedicated and gregarious guy named Tom, said, “What we need is a sugar daddy who will come along and give us one year’s worth of income. Then we would know how much money we had to spend that year. The following year, we would have banked all of our income and we would know how much we had to spend for the following year.” Unfortunately, none of us knew any filthy rich people who could do that. Our annual ordinary income in those days needed to be about $600,000 per year.

It was several days later thinking about Tom’s proposal that I realized how brilliant it was. He had the right strategy but he overcomplicated the solution.

We didn’t need a sugar daddy to kickstart the process.

The core of the idea that Tom proposed was to base this year’s expenses on last year’s income. All we had to do was project a 0% increase. We could still do that. It would be tough the first year because we had been counting on those increases. But if we held the line and counted on a 0% increase, we could build the budget on that. We were already basing school budgets on the 12-month rolling average ending February 28. Let’s take that number with no projected increase and use it as our income for the following year.

There’s an old adage, I’m not sure if it’s actually in Scripture or not, but it goes, “Don’t tempt God to perform a miracle.” That’s what we were doing when we proposed budgets with income increases. Let’s say for example our rolling average through February was $600,000. That’s the amount of money that God gave us during a 12-month period. So that must be how much he expects us to spend during 12 months. So use that as the income figure for the following fiscal year. If by chance, we get more than that, wonderful. Spend it next year. The only problem will happen if our income decreases and if it does, we make some midyear adjustments to expenses. We were doing that anyway when we didn’t meet our targeted income.

I really liked the idea because it was theologically based and I thought I could sell Father Paul on it. That’s what he liked about tithing. It wasn’t purely a fundraising strategy. Tithing is a theological principle based on the idea that everything you have comes from God and you give back 10% in gratitude. My plan says it’s sacrilegious to say, “We don’t have enough money.” God gives you everything you need. So if the budget didn’t balance, it’s something we’re doing wrong. You can’t say, “We don’t have enough.” That’s saying, “God didn’t take care of us.”

So that means either our spending priorities were wrong or we weren’t working hard enough to explain to people the value they were receiving for their donations. It was our fault that the budget didn’t work– not God’s.

The committee bought my idea. Tom was a strong supporter because it was really his proposal, to begin with. I just had the insight that we didn’t need a rich person to kickstart the program.

For the last couple of years that I was on the finance committee, that was the principle that we used going forward. No projected increase in income. If it goes up, spend it next year.

There was a catch… One that I didn’t see. But fortunately, it was a catch in our favor.

I hate to bog you down with numbers especially since these are hypothetical and I don’t remember the real figures but I don’t know any other way to explain the hidden positive consequence of this plan.

Let’s say that our running income from 1985 was $600,000. We base our 1986 budget on that amount. Now presume it goes up $10,000. So in 1986 we actually took in $610,000 instead of the $600,000 the year before. So we base our 1987 budget on $610,000. Let’s say that in 1987, the income went up another 10K so our 1988 budget is based on $620,000.

In 1986 we spent 600,000 but took in 610,000. In 1987 we spent 610,000 but took in 620,000. We end up with $10,000 extra in the bank each time the income goes up. The original idea was, “If it goes up… we’ll spend it next year.” But we didn’t. We kept basing next year’s expenses on this year’s income and I didn’t realize we would be banking that extra money.

Probably what we should have done when it went up by $10,000 in 1986, Our 1987 budget should have been $620,000. That is the $610,000 that we expected to continue to get plus the $10,000 windfall that we got through the grace of God.

When the money finally started getting significant, and we realized we had this extra cash lying around we began to use it for some long overdue maintenance projects. We started talking about our capital needs. We formed a special committee. I think it was called something like the “capital planning committee” or something like that. Their goal was to look at all of our big-budget capital needs and try to prioritize them. As I mentioned previously, there were maintenance projects that had been deferred year after year and we were only doing the bare minimum.

Windows needed to be repaired and replaced. The parking lot needed resealed and restriped. My mother came up with an idea for remodeling part of one of the downstairs restrooms into a handicapped restroom. All of these projects were funded out of this unspent increase which was an unforeseen side effect of our zero increase budgeting.

The only problem would come if we reached a year if our income decreased year-over-year. So it probably would’ve been a good idea to keep a little of that cash in reserve especially if that income graph flattened out too much. Because we were keeping a 12-month running total continuously, I think we would have seen it starting to flatten out and could’ve held back some of that windfall in the event that it did actually decrease.

So Tom had a brilliant idea. We needed a sugar daddy.

It turns out we had one all along.

His name was Jesus.

Next week we will continue telling stories of my days serving on my parish finance committee.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and any other benefits I might come up with down the road. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe

Contemplating Life – Episode 39 – “Nothing But the Blood of Jesus”

In this episode, I continue a series of episodes about my life of ministry in my local Catholic Church. We talk about the struggles of maintaining a budget in a Catholic parish in the various strategies we used to meet those challenges.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 39 of Contemplating Life.

This week I will continue my story of my many years of volunteer ministry for Saint Gabriel Church.

Standard disclaimers: I’m not trying to evangelize or preach to anyone. I’m just telling my stories. Also, this is my best recollection of events from 40 years ago. I may have some of the details wrong or out of sequence but this is what I remember the way I remember it. Now on with the story…

As I mentioned before, some of my volunteer activities for the church, especially regarding my computing skills, were before I made the decision to return to the church. In previous episodes, I chronicled how I drifted away from the church and what brought me back. Once I was back attending mass regularly and attempting to grow spiritually and deal with my remaining doubts, volunteering for the church became a huge part of that process.

One of the first spiritual growth opportunities I availed myself was attending the Christ Renews His Parish weekend retreat. We used the acronym CRHP but pronounced it “chirp”. The goal of that program is not only to renew spiritually but to motivate you to become actively involved in the church. After attending the weekend retreat, you begin attending a series of weekly meetings of discernment and formation. You try to discern what role you will play in the parish or as we called it “What is your ministry?” Although it isn’t mandatory, nearly everyone who goes through the process begins forming a team that will present the program to a new group of parishioners six months later.

I someday may do an episode about that experience but for now, I just bring it up to explain that the program worked on me because I felt a very strong motivation to become as involved in the parish as I possibly could. Of course, much of this was an extension of my sense of volunteerism which we have discussed extensively. It’s just that now I was spending my volunteer time for the church and not for other secular activities.

I believe it was about a year or so after I returned to the church that there was a vacancy on the Finance Committee and I lobbied hard to fill it. I was already heavily involved in the finance of the parish because I was helping train people how to use spreadsheets and accounting software. I was very happy when I received an appointment to the committee.

The committee consisted of about six or seven people. The chairman of the committee automatically was appointed to the Parish Council. We also had a Board of Education and they had a representative on the Finance Committee as well. Our pastor, Father Paul attended every meeting. The parish bookkeeper also attended as part of their job.

Shortly before I joined the committee, my friend Judy was hired as the parish bookkeeper. She was the one who had invited me to the Easter Vigil service which led me on my journey back to the church. Judy and I spent countless hours together working on budgets for many years.

The church and the entire archdiocese operated on a fiscal year that ran from July 1 through June 30. This was convenient because the largest item in the budget was our subsidy to our parish elementary school. They had a budget of their own that they prepared. Having the fiscal year start and stop in the summer worked well with the school year schedule.

One of the problems with the system was that we had these two entities – the church and the school, preparing budgets that were dependent upon one another. It was a question of who went first. Did the parish need to hear from the school how much money it needed as a subsidy? Or did the school need to know how much money the parish was going to give it? The parish could not determine what it could afford until it made its overall budget.

There was also a great tension between those who supported the school as being absolutely essential to our parish life versus those who thought that the school represented the tail wagging the dog. There was resentment that the school took too much of our resources that could’ve been used for other ministries. And there was resentment on the other side that not everyone felt that the school was our top priority.

Our pastor, Father Paul, hated having to stand in the pulpit and beg for money. That wasn’t what the pulpit was for. It was for preaching the Word of God. Then he heard about the program which promoted tithing. As I mentioned in a previous episode, that was the scripturally based principle that everything you have is a gift from God, and in thanksgiving for that blessing, you give 10% back to the church. Even if you have financial troubles of your own, we encourage people to put God first in their finances. You were encouraged to take a leap of faith. If 10% was completely out of the question, pick a percentage of your income as close to 10% as you could manage and stick to it.

Father brought in a priest from somewhere else that had already implemented the tithing program. He preached every Mass to start the process and then Father took it from there.

After the program had been running, he would recruit ordinary parishioners to speak at Mass to give witness testimony about how tithing and putting God first in their finances had worked wonders for them.

It did work. We worked on both the parish and the personal level.

Our parishioners told inspiring true stories of how putting God first in their finances had reaped its rewards in their lives. People who were facing serious financial difficulties took a leap of faith, adopted tithing, and saw many blessings come their way.

We saw a significant increase in our Sunday income. I think it was a combination of Father Paul preaching tithing and the renewed dedication of parishioners who had attended the CHRP program. At one point, we were able to put a much-needed new roof on the school at a cost of about $90,000 without having to add to our mortgage.

Because we were seeing steady increases in our income, we couldn’t resist the temptation to count on those increases. We would prepare our expense budget and then see how much money we needed to cover that. If it required an 8, 9, or 10% increase in our income, it was easier to just plug that number as a goal on the income side and hope that tithing and Parish renewal continued to produce those results.

Our finances were in such solid shape for a few years that we completely eliminated school tuition for active Catholic families. By the way, on several occasions, I’ve talked about tuition for active Catholic families. We also had a good number of students whose families paid full tuition because they were not Catholic at all. They just wanted their kids to go to a quality private school. Or perhaps they were inactive Catholics who were willing to pay full price.

About the second or third year of our tithing program, I did an extensive analysis of our income trends. I created a graph showing our 12-month rolling average of contributions. We had to use rolling averages in all of our estimates because our contributions were seasonal. People tended to give more during the winter months especially right before the end of the tax year and they gave less during the summer because they were often gone on vacation or not motivated to contribute when school was out.

My projections showed a clear trend of growth of approximately 10% per year. For once, we did the budget the way you’re supposed to. We made a credible estimate of our income and then built an expense budget based on it. This was in contrast to the previous way in which we computed our expenses and then plugged in a magic number to cover that and hoped and prayed we could meet that income target.

When we presented the budget to the parish council, many of the members were skeptical that we could meet such a goal. I tried to explain to them, supported by my graphs and spreadsheets, that for once we had done it the right way. When a council member named Craig questioned the projected income I tried to explain that if they wanted us to lower that projection, we would have to redo the budget to keep it a balance. That’s what I said. But I concluded with, “If that’s not our income number the budget won’t balance.”

Craig became irate and accused us of picking a number out of thin air just to make the budget balance. That’s what we had been doing for years. The one year that we didn’t do that, we got accused of doing that.

I don’t recall if they ended up accepting our projections or if we had to go back to the drawing board and recompute the budget based on a smaller number. What I do recall distinctly was that the projections that I had spent countless hours producing did not come true. The big bump that we had gained by introducing tithing had run its course. The inflation of the late 70s was putting pressure on everyone’s finances. Those who had brought into the concept of tithing were remaining faithful to it but we were getting no new converts to the concept. Almost immediately after approving the budget, that graph of the 12-month rolling average income began to flatten out.

So, if our income did not continue to grow at the rate it was growing, we would have to make cuts to expenses. But where? There was very little in our budget that was discretionary. The problem was similar to the problems faced by government budgets and I suppose any other large entity. A huge percentage of our expenses are fixed. Clergy salaries were set by the archdiocese. We had to pay other staff a reasonable wage. Healthcare costs seemed to go up disproportionately to everything else. Utilities, mortgage, and ordinary maintenance were fixed costs. Much of our maintenance had to be deferred which of course would be more costly down the road.

One of the few things that was discretionary was the liturgy budget. My mother was the chairman of the liturgy committee for about 10 years. The budget included the cost of sacramental bread and wine, flowers and decorations for the sanctuary, cleaning, and occasional replacement of vestments and robes used by the priest and altar servers. So we could do less decoration of the church for various seasons, and have fewer banners, flowers, or other displays. But our services would have been much less meaningful and enjoyable.

There is a hymn titled “Nothing but the Blood of Jesus” the theme of which is that that’s what’s necessary for salvation. Mom warned them that that was going to be our theme song if the budget cuts went too deep. The only thing we would have in the liturgy budget would be the bread and wine.

I wrote a bit of a parody…

Budget time is here again
Nothing but the Blood of Jesus
What to cut, what to leave in?
But the Blood of Jesus
Everything has to go
‘cause
Your line item must go
Nothing but the Blood of Jesus.

I put a link to a Carrie Underwood version of the song. She does much better than me.

The problem was, that taking 10 or 20% out of the liturgy budget, which was only a few percent of the overall budget to begin with, wasn’t going to solve our financial problems. But it would have a dramatic, visible effect on our celebrations each Sunday. She rightly objected to having to make drastic cuts in her small budget that weren’t going to help our overall financial stability.

To deal with the crisis, we put together a special committee consisting of three members of the Parish Council, three members of the Finance Committee, and three members of the Board of Education. We had several meetings which I recall were a bit contentious, to say the least. The solution came at a meeting of the special committee around my dining room table. I don’t recall why we were meeting at my house rather than at church. I can only speculate that perhaps there was a nasty snowstorm that would’ve made it difficult for me to get out. So to accommodate me, we met here. But I don’t really remember what the reason was.

It was the chair of the school board, a wonderfully dedicated woman named Kathy who is a friend to this day, who brought in a proposal. We would have to resume charging Catholic families tuition to send their kids to school. We had eliminated the tuition when we first brought in tithing. But that just wasn’t sufficient anymore. The only other viable alternative would be to close the school.

To further attempt to put things on firmer financial grounds, we made a commitment that the school subsidy would be a percentage of our parish income. That would ease the tension that the school was consuming all activity and income from the parish. I seem to recall that in our previous year, the school subsidy was 28% of our income. Like I said at the top of this episode, this was over 30 years ago and some of these details may be wrong or out of order. Anyway, everyone agreed that this was a reasonable percentage. But then came the question, 28% of what? The previous calendar year? The previous fiscal year? Although the curve had flattened out, our income was still increasing gradually.

We came up with a solution that solved one of our other budget problems which was who would make their budget first? The parish or the school? Working backward from our June 30 deadline, we concluded that we would take the 12-month rolling average income through February. Take 28% of that and guarantee it to the school. That would give them time to prepare a budget during March and April. The finance committee could meet in April and May. We would present the budget to the Council in either May or June and be ready by the June 30 deadline.

The committee approved the proposal as did the full Parish Council and School Board. Naturally, it was not well received by the school families. When you had been getting your kids a Catholic education for free and now had to pay tuition–even at a reduced rate, you can imagine the turmoil. For some, it was proved that tithing didn’t work.

I remember a few years later talking to Kathy about the years we had served together on the finance and education committees. Shared our disappointment and how poorly our hard work and difficult choices were appreciated. She said to me, “I didn’t expect them to be happy about the idea that they were going to have to begin paying tuition again. But not once did anyone express gratitude for the fact that we saved the school from folding completely.” I totally agree.

Personally, I’ve never been a fan of Catholic schools. Yet I respect that it is important to many people. They were raised in an era when it was sacrilegious if not outright sinful to not send your kids to Catholic school.

My Mom was a vocal critic of our school. She was firmly in the camp of those who thought it was an overwhelming drain on our resources and an unnecessary luxury we couldn’t afford. She felt sorry for families who felt obligated to send their kids to Catholic school when they couldn’t afford it. Private school was for rich people. Let them pay their way and not burden the parish or Less wealthy families with the cost.

I seem to recall there was one proposal that suggested we should eliminate the school subsidy completely. Let the school be financially self-supporting through tuition and then we could use church money to give scholarships to those who had financial need. I might have supported that however it really would’ve almost been a divorce between the church and the school. It would’ve made them totally separate entities. While I didn’t see the school as a top priority, I recognized that it was an important part of the overall work of our church. I think such a divorce between the church and the school would’ve had disastrous effects on the church community as a whole.

Although we survived our immediate crisis by reinstituting tuition for Catholic families, it didn’t solve all of our problems. We still needed more strategies to deal with the difficulty of projecting income in wrestling with the fact that we had many more ways than means.

Next week we will continue telling stories of my days serving on my parish finance committee.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You’ll get early access to the podcast and any other benefits I might come up with down the road. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But most of all it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want more people to hear my stories.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.

Contemplating Life – Episode 38 “A Tale of Two Ladies”

In this episode, I share the story of two relationships that I had in 1989-1990. One of them left me bitter and angry. The other one left me fulfilled and affirmed. This was originally written for the writing seminar I’m attending. I hope you enjoy it.

Links of Interest

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/contemplatinglife
Where to listen to this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/contemplatinglife
YouTube playlist of this and all other episodes: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFFRYfZfNjHL8bFCmGDOBvEiRbzUiiHpq

YouTube Version

Shooting Script

Hi, this is Chris Young. Welcome to episode 38 of Contemplating Life.

This week I’m going to depart from my planned schedule for a special episode. I had been recounting my many years of ministry as a volunteer for St. Gabriel Church. I’ve also mentioned many times that I’m attending a writing seminar online with award-winning science-fiction author David Gerrold. Each week he gives us a writing exercise. Recently he suggested we write a story about a negative emotion. For the following week, we were supposed to write a story about joy in a relationship. I got behind on my homework and decided to write a two-part story to cover both of those assignments.

It somewhat relates to my current series because one of the relationships I’m about to describe was with someone I met at church. I’ve given them fictitious names but the story itself is completely true at least the way I remember events. I call it “A Tale of Two Ladies”. Apologies to Charles Dickens. I hope you enjoy it.

A Tale of Two Ladies

by
Chris Young

It was the best of relationships. It was the worst of relationships.

One left me fulfilled and affirmed. The other one left me bitter and angry.

It was 1989 and I was spending much of my time as an active volunteer in my church. Along the way, I developed several working relationships with women from my church. A few of these relationships were with women who were single or divorced and were my age. Those working relationships developed into serious friendships several of which have lasted decades to this day.

None of those relationships ever turned romantic but I had learned years ago that given my disability, it was going to take someone extraordinary if I was ever going to have romance in my life. I have learned to make the best of such friendships rather than constantly lamenting that they didn’t develop into romance. I found myself content and fulfilled by these relationships rather than being constantly depressed and disappointed over what hadn’t happened.

It was a strategy I had used throughout my life in other areas. I knew many disabled people who constantly lamented what they couldn’t do rather than trying to maximize what they could do. I’d used the same strategy in my faith journey concentrating on the parts of the faith that resonated with me and not being consumed by my doubts.

Along the way, I befriended a lonely divorcee whom we will call Sharon. At first, we would hang out in a group setting where three or four people from church would gather at her house or elsewhere. We’d play Trivial Pursuit or perhaps we would just order some pizza and sit around and talk. Eventually, we began getting together one-on-one. She would come pick me up using my wheelchair van, drive me to her house, and drive me home at the end of the evening.

I had developed a reputation as a good listener. Sharon was lonely and needed a friend. We’d met at church but we never socialized together until someone recommended we get together. It wasn’t like we had been fixed up to be a couple. But she needed a friend and I had room in my life for another one.

I liked the idea that I was valuable to people as a friend. I have to admit that even though I was okay that these relationships were friendships and not romantic, it was difficult to repeatedly hear women say things like, “I wish my boyfriend or husband was more like you.” Or “I wish I could find someone who was more like you.” It was tempting to reply, “If you’re looking for someone like me, why not me? I don’t know anyone who is more like me than me.” I never found the courage to say that.

Unlike when I was younger, I never went into a relationship with a woman with strong hopes that she might be “the one”. But I did realize that if I ever was going to have an intimate, lasting, possibly marital relationship with a woman, it would have to start out as a friendship. Let’s face it, no one looks across a crowded room, sees a severely disabled guy in a wheelchair, and says to themselves, “Wow… Someday I’m going to marry that man “ I never closed the door to the possibility that someone might be right for me and we could share our lives together but at this stage of my life, I never went into the relationship plotting to make that happen.

Sharon’s marriage had been a disaster which left deep emotional scars. Her ex-husband had a high-paying job. He saw her as a beautiful trophy wife he could show off at social and business gatherings. They had four children together. He tried to paint a picture of the perfect family. It was far from that.

She found out he was having an affair with someone at work. He acted like it was no big deal. He thought he deserved a little something on the side. He expected Sharon to be okay with it. After all, they lived in a nice house, drove nice cars, and the children were well cared for. Did she really want to throw all of that away just because he wanted something extra? Her answer was a resounding, “Yes!” She gave up that lifestyle to get rid of a cheating husband.

Although he paid child support, Indiana law does not provide for alimony. Sharon had to take a job cleaning houses in order to make ends meet.

I can’t imagine the emotional scars that she bore from that entire experience.

One evening at her house after sharing some pizza with me one-on-one, she was expressing her pain over her circumstances. She lamented her inability to move on with her life and seek out a new relationship. She said, “I just have so much difficulty talking to men. I’m too intimidated by men.” In an effort to try to help her see that things weren’t quite as bad as she thought, I said, “You don’t have any difficulty talking with me.”

“Yes,” she said, “but I don’t think of you that way.“

“What do you mean by ‘that way’?”

“Well, because you’re in a wheelchair.”

Like I said before, I never had any delusions that I was a great catch. My disability brings with it a lot of baggage and I could find no offense that someone would not want to have to deal with all of that baggage if we were in a serious relationship. Although I am capable of a physical relationship, obviously it would be much different than what one could have with an able-bodied man. But this wasn’t just about not wanting to deal with the day-to-day challenges of an inter-abled relationship. This was way beyond that. She did not see me as a real man.

I thanked her for brutal her honesty. We talked about honesty in relationships for a few minutes and then I asked her to take me home.

I never spoke to her again. I avoided eye contact with her at church and at church gatherings.

I’m not the kind of person who needs to have their ego stroked. I am quite self-confident and appreciate my value to other people and to the world. I’ve experienced rejection which is never fun but I’ve always been able to deal with it. But never in my life have I encountered anyone who so disrespected me as to emasculate me. Decades later I am still incapable of putting into words the rage and contempt that I feel for her.

In the writing seminar I’m attending, we have discussed the topics of forgiveness and redemption. We discussed how to forgive despicable people. The solution seems to be to ask the question, “What could have happened to make that person behave in such a way?” That can generate sympathy for their bad behavior. While I appreciate that she suffered significant emotional trauma in her life and I tried to be sympathetic to what she had been through, I still don’t understand how someone who had been so objectified could objectify me.

Well, I told you that story so I can tell you this one.

Fast-forward a few months to February 6, 1990. I’m riding in the back of an ambulance en route to St. Vincent Hospital ER. I have sharp pains in my abdomen from a flare-up of diverticulitis. I only recall the exact date because it happened to be a friend’s birthday and I was going to miss the opportunity to celebrate with them.

I was accompanied on the ride by a very friendly EMT we will call Mindy. We had a quite pleasant conversation which helped to distract me from my pain during the 20-minute journey. I asked how long she had been working as an EMT. I think it had only been a year or two. She began talking about her struggles as a single mother. She spoke of how her kids had been supportive of her as she studied for the job. She helped them with their homework and they would help her prepare for exams by giving her sample questions from her EMT textbooks. She also revealed that she was about to be a grandmother at age 35. Her teenage daughter was expecting a baby. I said, “I’ll turn 35 in July. It kind of freaks me out that someone my age can be a grandparent.”

She said, “How do you think I feel?” We both laughed and then I grimaced from the pain. She admitted that both she and her daughter had started motherhood a little bit too early.

I shared some details about my life story as well. I don’t recall what I said. I must have made an impression upon her. Later that day, while I was still in the ER waiting on the results of my CAT scan, she was back in the ER after dropping off another patient. She stopped by to check up on me. She said that she really enjoyed our little chat. She was frustrated that she never gets to hear how their patients turn out after she delivers them. I gave her an update on my situation which wasn’t very serious. Morphine was working wonders on my pain and I was feeling fine. Strong IV antibiotics would take care of the diverticulitis infection.

She then said, “I could get in trouble for this, but could I copy down your address and send you a card?” I said, “Sure no problem.”

I was only in the hospital for a couple of days. Soon after I returned home I received a get-well card with a really nice note from her. I returned the favor by sending her a Valentine which included a very flattering letter with the card in which I complimented her not only for her bedside manner which had made a very difficult day bearable but for the way she juggled her career and her family so successfully. I added my phone number.

This led to a series of regular lengthy phone calls from her. She would sit around the ambulance garage waiting for a run and she would pass the time talking to me. We eventually made plans to go to dinner.

We had a wonderful evening together. She was completely comfortable with the need to load me and my wheelchair in and out of my van. I had explained the procedure in advance and the fact that I couldn’t feed myself. She seemed unfazed by any of that. Keep in mind that even though we had been talking for weeks, this evening was the only time we had been together in person with the exception of that ambulance ride. It was the first time she had ever seen me in my normal situation sitting up in my wheelchair.

We had a really nice dinner and then we went back to my house and sat in my office for more conversation.

At one point, a solemn look came across her face as she stared me in the eyes and said, “You’re dangerous.”

“What?”

“You’re dangerous. You scare me.”

“How the hell am I dangerous?” I laughed, “I’m sitting here in a wheelchair and can barely move a muscle. You had to feed me dinner. How am I my dangerous?”

“You could hurt me. Not physically but emotionally. If I’m not careful, I could fall in love with you. And you could fall in love with me but I’m certain it could never work between us. Once we realized that, we would both be devastated. Hurting you like that would hurt me. So I have to be careful. Because you’re dangerous.”

In my 68 years of life, those words “you’re dangerous” are the most beautiful and affirming things that anyone, female or male, has ever said to me.

You see, neither Sharon nor Mindy felt that they could deal with the day-to-day challenges of being in an intimate relationship with someone as severely disabled as me. That’s okay. It’s tough enough that I have to deal with my disability and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I struggle to lead a productive and fulfilling life so I have no ill will toward anyone who understands that they are not capable of sharing those challenges with me. That’s okay.

The difference is, Sharon’s response to that reality was that she failed to see me as a real man. Her fear of men did not apply to me. She did not see me as dangerous. Mindy did see me as a real man. A man who could win her heart and break it. That made me dangerous.

I like being dangerous.

The only lasting scar I have from my experience with Sharon is that I get triggered by Pizza Hut pizza. It brings back a strong sense-memory of that night. After that, it was nothing but Domino’s pizza for me.

After my date with Mindy, we continued to talk regularly for several weeks. I had plans to attend a weekend seminar in Terre Haute about 70 miles west of here. I’d need to hire a caregiver to take care of me for the weekend. Mindy said that if I couldn’t find anyone, perhaps she could go with me. That would’ve been an interesting experience. Imagine the two of us sharing a room together with all sorts of opportunities. Danger danger danger!

I ended up hiring a home health aide who occasionally cared for my grandmother. That home health aide was happily married and we had a great professional relationship. No hanky-panky.

Eventually, my lengthy phone calls with Mindy became less frequent. I don’t think I ever had her work number or her home number. She always called me. We eventually drifted apart and I lost touch. But for that one brief shining moment when I learned I was dangerous to women, I experienced great joy and profound satisfaction knowing that Sharon was wrong about me.

If that’s not a sufficiently happy ending for you, Then I’ll add this epilogue. The confidence I gained in my relationship with Mindy and my success at flirting with her emboldened me in my next relationship with a woman. In October 1990 when Mindy was enjoying being a grandmother at the ripe young age of 35, I was losing my virginity at that age. That was something that might not have happened had I not been told I was dangerous.

-end-

So that was the story I wrote for my writers’ group. It was very well received. One of them commented, “Those were both meaningful stories… together they are POWERFUL!”. I agree. They really are connected stories. You can’t fully appreciate one without the other.

I’ve tried on several occasions to find Mindy through Google searches or Facebook searches. Her real name is similarly common. I’ve had no success. It would be nice just to touch base with her and express my thanks for her acceptance of me and tell her what happened as a result of the affirmation she gave me.

I’m not much of a “kiss and tell” kind of person so I don’t know when or if I’ll detail that other relationship I alluded to. But I do have some interesting stories I will share eventually about that third woman.

Next week, I plan to continue with other stories about my years of volunteering at St. Gabriel Church.

If you find this podcast educational, entertaining, enlightening, or even inspiring, consider sponsoring me on Patreon for just $5 per month. You will get early access to the podcast and other benefits such as exclusive access to some of my short stories. Although I have some financial struggles, I’m not really in this for money. Still, every little bit helps.

Many thanks to my financial supporters. Your support pays for the writing seminar I attend and other things. But mostly it shows how much you care and appreciate what I’m doing. Your support means more to me than words can express.

Even if you cannot provide financial support. Please, please, please post the links and share this podcast on social media so that I can grow my audience. I just want to share my stories with a larger audience.

All of my back episodes are available and I encourage you to check them out if you’re new to this podcast. If you have any comments, questions, or other feedback please feel free to comment on any of the platforms where you find this podcast.

I will see you next week as we continue contemplating life. Until then, fly safe.